Two down and ten to go.
Another month has passed, and I’m slowly making progress on my resolutions. Okay, on some of my resolutions.
To be perfectly honest, I’m finding it difficult to focus on so many things at once. I started doing better on healthy eating, and stopped remembering to record my Thankfuls. It sometimes felt like, to concentrate on one area, there had to be some give in another area.
To be even more honest, there are things on this list that don’t require that much time. So am I just making excuses for the things that I didn’t accomplish?
Well, no. I’m glad to say – and believe – that I don’t need to make any excuses.
Change is hard. It takes mental and emotional effort. It takes up room in your brain. It takes up emotional and mental faculties that used to be quite free to roam around and do whatever they wanted. In fact, they didn’t used to have to do anything at all. And now they’re suddenly getting some exercise, they’re a little overwhelmed with all this new activity, and would it kill you to slow down for a second and let them catch their collective breath? Sheesh!
You wouldn’t think picking up the phone and calling someone to hang out is very hard – and it’s not – but if you never do that, then it does take extra effort. To begin with, you have to remember to do it. And if you’re oldish like me, then you know what a battle that can be. Then you have to carve time out to make it happen. Again, not that hard. Unless you’re a hermit(ish) like me, and then it takes an extra effort to extract yourself from…well, yourself.
I am finding that the mental effort is harder than I thought it would be. Last month I said that I thought, “I was realistic with my expectations on what I could accomplish.” I still believe that, but it’s taking much more concentration, and it feels like a heavier weight this month than last month.
Here’s the thing: I don’t have to think about every one of these every moment. But they are with me nonetheless. They travel through every day with me; they go where I go. Things I need to do. Things I need to do better. Things I want to change about myself. Things I don’t want to fail at.
I feel the weight of these Things, but I know that is just part of the process. I feel that they will get heavier before they get lighter, as I am forcing myself to carve even more time (like for photography class) out of my life to make something happen that I want to happen. I even feel silly and slightly embarrassed to call attention to the fact that going to bed on time can feel like a task to me. But changing the patterns of your life is not an easy thing to do. Even the seemingly simple things take time and concentration and patience, and you must be willing to fail over and over and over again.
Anyway, here’s how I did in February: Resolutions – February 2012