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Movie Quote Monday – The Wedding Singer

Welcome to (almost) February, the month that puts a big shining spotlight of misery and pain and desperation and panic and envy and contempt on love!  Unless you actually are in love, which can be even worse…

Okay, I’m really just joking.  But here’s the truth:  Love Is Complicated.  Now you know.

Anytime you get involved with another human being, it’s complicated.  Just look around at the people you only work with and consider how much can go into maintaining those relationships.  It takes effort: communication, understanding, compromise, forgiveness, ignoring stupidity…  The list of emotional demands goes on and on.  How much more so when you’re in love.

Robbie:  I remember we went to the Grand Canyon one time, we were flying there, and I’d never been there before and Linda had, so…you would think that she would give me the window seat, but she didn’t.  And…  Not that that’s a big deal, you know, but… Guess there were a lot of little things like that – I know that sounds stupid.
Julia:  Not at all.  I think it’s the little things that count.

This quote just filled me with questions:

  • Can you be in love with someone and at the same time know they are wrong for you?
  • In a loving relationship, at what point is it okay to put yourself first?  When is it more important to put the other person first?  How do you know the difference?
  • When you are in love with someone, should it come naturally to self-sacrifice for them or always think of them first?  Or is that something we have to continually work on and remind ourselves to do?
  • If you typically put your needs in front your significant other’s, does that mean you don’t really love that person?
  • Where is the dividing line between putting the other person first because you love them and becoming some kind of doormat?
  • Did he ask for the window seat, or did he just expect her to know that he wanted it?
  • Should we have to ask for what we want?

It’s just got me thinking about how we express our love to each other.  And also how we react to those expressions of love, or lack thereof.  Some people need near-constant togetherness and gestures that prove how important they are to the other.  And some people feel smothered by too much attention that feels more like distrust or neediness in their partner.  I’m guessing that most of us fall somewhere in the middle.  The problem is that there’s so much room in there for miscommunication. 

What are the “big things” that are necessary to make a relationship work?

What are the “little things” that keep a relationship going?

What’s a deal breaker for you?

Have you ever started a relationship knowing that it was doomed to failure?

Have you ever refused to enter a relationship with someone you really liked, because you thought it would ultimately fail?

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7 Comments Post a comment
  1. Ha! I don’t even want to talk about love!

    January 31, 2012
    • I’m sorry to hear that!! When I’m single, I want a boyfriend. When I get a boyfriend, I wonder what the heck I wanted a boyfriend for. It was worse when I was married, because then I was emotionally and legally attached to someone who made my life harder instead of better.

      January 31, 2012
  2. You put the other person first when that gives you more happiness than doing what you want to do. Otherwise, I see no point in putting someone else first all the time and then being bitter that you never get to do what you want to do. I mean, that happens :/

    If you put your needs before someone else, you need to consider how that makes them feel. If they don’t like it and you know it will end in an argument (or them disliking you for it eventually), you wouldn’t do it simply because it will not be worth it. If it doesn’t matter to them, or if it doesn’t matter to you how they feel, then go ahead, but in the latter case, I wonder if that means you really care for their feelings. However, I think both people should agree on something if it affects both of them.

    If somebody’s treating you as a doormat and you realize it, it’s actually a form of lying that you can’t tell the other person straight away how you feel about what they’re doing. Communication is always important. If they are intentionally treating you as a doormat, or continuing to do something despite knowing how you feel about it, then I suppose it’s time to wonder if he/she cares about your feelings.

    Robbie should’ve asked. Maybe Linda didn’t know that he’d like to sit there. You’d think it’s obvious, but what’s obvious to me may not be obvious to you all the time. :/

    I once refused to go out with a guy I really liked cuz I wanted to keep things between us just the way they were. :S

    February 1, 2012
    • Thanks so much for answering the questions – I always want to know what people think or believe! I totally agree that communication is the key. Every time I see that movie, I wonder if he asked her for the window seat or just held it against her that she didn’t offer it. And I wonder if maybe she took it because she thought she was being kind to him.

      My mom and dad have been together for over 40 years and they have a story about assumptions and not speaking your mind. It’s so simple really, just that my mom always gave my dad the end piece of bread because she thought he liked it and she wanted to do that for him. All of a sudden one time, she told him that she really liked the end piece, too and would he mind if she had it this time. He was shocked, because he thought she gave it to him because she didn’t like it. All that time, he didn’t even realize that she was doing something nice for him. And all that time, he didn’t really care what piece of bread he got. (I think I got that story right.)

      Anyway, we make a lot of assumptions when we’re in a relationship, and sometimes we’re right. But often we’re wrong.

      February 1, 2012
  3. Lol. Nice story. Misunderstandings of that kind can happen so easily, you know? It reminds me of a scene in The Big Bang Theory, when Leonard and Penny go out on a date long after they’ve broken up. Penny chooses the romcom movie as usual, but Leonard says he wants to watch another movie. She’d assumed that he likes watching romcoms since she’d always chosen similar movies and he’d never objected to it. But it turns out that Leonard never really liked them, he just went along so that they wouldn’t argue over it and he’d get to have sex with her 😛
    This is what I meant when I wrote above that you shouldn’t keep things to yourself and then get bitter. Your dad never really cared what piece of bread he got, so that never mattered to him. But Leonard cared that Penny always chose the movie and he held that against her, even though she didn’t realize it mattered to him.

    February 2, 2012
  4. I like Your Blog About Movie Quote Monday – The Wedding Singer.Really great Post.Its Brilliant.I Am Very Happy To Read Of Your Blog.

    Thanks.

    February 4, 2012

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