Welcome to (almost) February, the month that puts a big shining spotlight of misery and pain and desperation and panic and envy and contempt on love! Unless you actually are in love, which can be even worse…
Okay, I’m really just joking. But here’s the truth: Love Is Complicated. Now you know.
Anytime you get involved with another human being, it’s complicated. Just look around at the people you only work with and consider how much can go into maintaining those relationships. It takes effort: communication, understanding, compromise, forgiveness, ignoring stupidity… The list of emotional demands goes on and on. How much more so when you’re in love.
Robbie: I remember we went to the Grand Canyon one time, we were flying there, and I’d never been there before and Linda had, so…you would think that she would give me the window seat, but she didn’t. And… Not that that’s a big deal, you know, but… Guess there were a lot of little things like that – I know that sounds stupid.
–Julia: Not at all. I think it’s the little things that count.
This quote just filled me with questions:
- Can you be in love with someone and at the same time know they are wrong for you?
- In a loving relationship, at what point is it okay to put yourself first? When is it more important to put the other person first? How do you know the difference?
- When you are in love with someone, should it come naturally to self-sacrifice for them or always think of them first? Or is that something we have to continually work on and remind ourselves to do?
- If you typically put your needs in front your significant other’s, does that mean you don’t really love that person?
- Where is the dividing line between putting the other person first because you love them and becoming some kind of doormat?
- Did he ask for the window seat, or did he just expect her to know that he wanted it?
- Should we have to ask for what we want?
It’s just got me thinking about how we express our love to each other. And also how we react to those expressions of love, or lack thereof. Some people need near-constant togetherness and gestures that prove how important they are to the other. And some people feel smothered by too much attention that feels more like distrust or neediness in their partner. I’m guessing that most of us fall somewhere in the middle. The problem is that there’s so much room in there for miscommunication.
What are the “big things” that are necessary to make a relationship work?
What are the “little things” that keep a relationship going?
What’s a deal breaker for you?
Have you ever started a relationship knowing that it was doomed to failure?
Have you ever refused to enter a relationship with someone you really liked, because you thought it would ultimately fail?