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Posts from the ‘supposedly funny’ Category

Mama Said There’d Be Days Like This

Grown-ups have days like this too!

To quote from the awesome Galaxy Quest, “Never give up! Never surrender!”

 

 

Tennis Shoes (or tennyshoes; I’ve heard it both ways)

These girls are just too cute! So I thought I’d share.

Lydia and Elizabeth compare accents:

Check out L&E Productions on YouTube!

I followed a link to L & E from Tough Bananas, where Jan and Amanda described Canadian money in a vlog of their own. It’s cute too!

Oh, you have to watch this one too!

I will stop now. But cute!!
(and Michael Scott quote, so awesome!)

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Water Aerobics (no impact my fat ass)

*WARNING*
*No Lifeguard On Duty*

It’s five pm and the gym is starting to fill up with the after-work crowd. But I don’t have to worry about getting a spot on a treadmill or bike, and I won’t have to wait my turn for any equipment, either.

Because I’m headed to the pool!

I can’t help but smile as I realize there are only three of us here for the class tonight. That’s good, plenty of room; this is going to be so great. All week long I’ve been looking forward to my first water aerobics class in years.

On the drive over, I kept imagining stepping into the warm water – just being in the water is so pleasant. And I remember all of the old exercises, like jumping jacks and lunges. I remember using the noodles and Styrofoam barbells. Water aerobics is perfect for me: a no-impact, beginner level, in-the-water, fun workout.

It’s cold!

I mean, it’s not ocean cold or even outdoor swimming pool cold, but it’s colder than I thought it would be. I thought it would be warm! But you know what? That’s okay. I’ll warm up as soon as I start moving. So…let’s start some exercising, shall we ladies? Time later for the chit-chat. It’s nice to be so warmly greeted and whatnot, but it’s cold, and… Great! Here we go!

Now this is what I’m talking about. Jogging in place, in the water, the kind of high-stepping I can actually do. Jogging toward the shallow end. Jogging toward the deep end. Why yes I can get those knees up, I certainly can. And jog in place, not a problem at all. And jumping jacks, one and two and three and four.

This is the bees knees, ya’ll! But you can stop asking me how I’m doing, instructor lady, because I’m doing fine! And one and two and three and four. Hit the bottom with my toes and  my heels! I don’t want to get injured in water aerobics.

And lunge! Right leg…left leg…

I wonder if I’m sweating? Can I sweat under water? Cause this is totally working. Yeah, my heart rate must be getting up there into fat-burning range. For sure into fat-burning range. Water aerobics isn’t for sissies, no ma’am.

Four more! Three more! Two more!

We must be half-way through by now, don’t ya think? Where’s the clo – fifteen minutes? Gone! Fifteen minutes gone, not to go. Forty-five minutes to go. But you know what? I’m good; I got this. I’m still breathing just fine.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Swimming, swimming. Haha, I crack me up.

Hey I love this song! Wait, there’s an aerobics mix for Boys of Summer?

Water in my face! Water in my face!

No problem. Just gotta keep my mouth shut. It is a pool, after all. Yes, I’m fine, instructor lady. You can see me keeping up, can’t you? Please  stop asking me that; I’m using all my breath to breath over here.

Seriously? Am I really this short? I’m gonna drown doing water aerobics in four feet of water.

Water in my eyes!

Blink. Just keep blinking. Better yet, close my eyes. What’s she doing now? What’d she say?

Grab the Styrofoam weights. If I can’t do it with the weights, I can just move my arms in the water. Thanks, lady.

Butterfly stroke. For more resistance, keep my weights under the surface. For less resistance, keep my weights on the surface. Water in my face!

Yes, I’m fine. Yes, I’m keeping up.

How much time left?

Oh, thank Gawd!

Cool down.

Stretch.

Yes.

I’m…

fine.

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By the way, ya’ll – I joined the gym.

My car is like the lost and found

So I went to the dump yesterday, and in a fit of un-me-ness, I decided to clean out my car at the same time.

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I found:

– Five thousand three hundred and ninety-two napkins (Because yes, I have managed to kick my fast food habit, and now I simply love to cook.)

– a single black glove

– a towel

– seven VHS tapes I meant to take to Goodwill

– two three-foot-long wooden dowels that I got from who-knows-where and was saving for who-knows-what

– two tumblers with screw on tops and straws that can’t fall out

– a Virginia road atlas

– a recognition certificate for someone who doesn’t work for our company anymore

– the demolished frame for an obsolete recognition certificate

– a plastic fork

– a real fork

– one combination compass and magnifying glass

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What are you and where did you come from?

– three jackets

– the instruction manual for my lawnmower. That I bought two summers ago.

– a bag of dirt (because you know, living in the country I can never have too much dirt)

– a pair of sneakers

– the squishy inserts I bought to make the sneakers more comfortable before I just broke down and bought new sneakers. 

– two umbrellas

– one of Louis’ blankets

– a manila folder stuffed with mail I pulled out of my PO box last October

– a bottle of Windex (wtf?)

– some flower pots I was supposed to give to my sister. Last summer.

– a new 90 count tub of disinfecting wipes (Actually, I may need those right now.)

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Ironically, I was talking to a coworker next to her car last week, and I noticed how spotless it was. Not so much as a gum wrapper on the floor.

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All I could think was, “How can she stand to live that way?”