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Water Aerobics (no impact my fat ass)

*No Lifeguard On Duty*

It’s five pm and the gym is starting to fill up with the after-work crowd. But I don’t have to worry about getting a spot on a treadmill or bike, and I won’t have to wait my turn for any equipment, either.

Because I’m headed to the pool!

I can’t help but smile as I realize there are only three of us here for the class tonight. That’s good, plenty of room; this is going to be so great. All week long I’ve been looking forward to my first water aerobics class in years.

On the drive over, I kept imagining stepping into the warm water – just being in the water is so pleasant. And I remember all of the old exercises, like jumping jacks and lunges. I remember using the noodles and Styrofoam barbells. Water aerobics is perfect for me: a no-impact, beginner level, in-the-water, fun workout.

It’s cold!

I mean, it’s not ocean cold or even outdoor swimming pool cold, but it’s colder than I thought it would be. I thought it would be warm! But you know what? That’s okay. I’ll warm up as soon as I start moving. So…let’s start some exercising, shall we ladies? Time later for the chit-chat. It’s nice to be so warmly greeted and whatnot, but it’s cold, and… Great! Here we go!

Now this is what I’m talking about. Jogging in place, in the water, the kind of high-stepping I can actually do. Jogging toward the shallow end. Jogging toward the deep end. Why yes I can get those knees up, I certainly can. And jog in place, not a problem at all. And jumping jacks, one and two and three and four.

This is the bees knees, ya’ll! But you can stop asking me how I’m doing, instructor lady, because I’m doing fine! And one and two and three and four. Hit the bottom with my toes and  my heels! I don’t want to get injured in water aerobics.

And lunge! Right leg…left leg…

I wonder if I’m sweating? Can I sweat under water? Cause this is totally working. Yeah, my heart rate must be getting up there into fat-burning range. For sure into fat-burning range. Water aerobics isn’t for sissies, no ma’am.

Four more! Three more! Two more!

We must be half-way through by now, don’t ya think? Where’s the clo – fifteen minutes? Gone! Fifteen minutes gone, not to go. Forty-five minutes to go. But you know what? I’m good; I got this. I’m still breathing just fine.

Just keep swimming, just keep swimming. Swimming, swimming. Haha, I crack me up.

Hey I love this song! Wait, there’s an aerobics mix for Boys of Summer?

Water in my face! Water in my face!

No problem. Just gotta keep my mouth shut. It is a pool, after all. Yes, I’m fine, instructor lady. You can see me keeping up, can’t you? Please  stop asking me that; I’m using all my breath to breath over here.

Seriously? Am I really this short? I’m gonna drown doing water aerobics in four feet of water.

Water in my eyes!

Blink. Just keep blinking. Better yet, close my eyes. What’s she doing now? What’d she say?

Grab the Styrofoam weights. If I can’t do it with the weights, I can just move my arms in the water. Thanks, lady.

Butterfly stroke. For more resistance, keep my weights under the surface. For less resistance, keep my weights on the surface. Water in my face!

Yes, I’m fine. Yes, I’m keeping up.

How much time left?

Oh, thank Gawd!

Cool down.






By the way, ya’ll – I joined the gym.

18 Comments Post a comment
  1. vicki #

    You crack me up! I love water aerobics. So did you enjoy yourself?

    April 25, 2013
    • Yes, haha. But I woke up in the middle of the night with aching arms! But I keep going back and look forward to it every monday 🙂

      April 25, 2013
  2. That was so funny!!! What a good post, that was awesome. I hope your aching arms feel okay soon. It sounds like *ahem* loads of fun XD

    Lorna xx

    April 25, 2013
    • My arms are better, but I stopped using the styrofoam weights, lol! It’s actually alot of fun.

      April 26, 2013
  3. Ricky Anderson #

    This is why I call the gym The Hurting Place.

    April 25, 2013
    • That’s not a bad name for it 🙂 I’ve been hurting off and on, but it’s getting easier each time.

      April 26, 2013
  4. I’m still laughing! I’m short, too, and the first thing I thought was, “lunges? I’d drown doing lunges…”. Actually the FIRT thing I thought was how much colder pool water feels to me now that I’m, um, old. I hope you enjoyed writing this as much as I enjoyed reading it!

    April 28, 2013
    • Thanks, Melissa! I’m glad you enjoyed it! It was a fun write, one I did for my class and didn’t post until now.

      April 28, 2013
  5. The last time I did water aerobics, I was preggers — and all the old Russian women in the pool felt the need to touch my belly and make their predictions about the sex of the baby. I haven’t done water aerobics since. I’m glad you are digging it! And I can’t wait for lap-swimming season! 🙂

    April 28, 2013
    • I can hardly blame you for not going back, haha. I just came back from there now, and I almost talked myself out of going. When I was there, I kept thinking how glad I was that I showed up. It was a fun way to exercise 🙂

      April 29, 2013
  6. Water aerobics! Whooo. I love anything to do in the water. I feel as graceful and light in water as I feel clumsy and heavy the moment I get out of it.

    Never done water aerobics though. It’s been a few days now, are you still enjoying yourself? Hope you are, physical work-outs are great 🙂
    I feel so much happier, stronger, energetic when I work out. 🙂

    April 29, 2013
    • I know that clumsy out of water feeling! The first few times I went, I felt like a ton of bricks when I climbed back up those stairs. But that’s gone away. It must be working a little! I am having fun and feeling a little bit better every day 😀

      April 29, 2013
      • Oh yeah, the ton-of-bricks feeling! Like you just want to plop down your wet bottom somewhere, and not have to waaalk. Like you can’t even stand straight cuz suddenly your body is feeling the absence of water’s buoyant force. And also like you can’t wait to EAT something! 😀

        I’m glad water aerobics is doing this for you. Exercise that makes you happy is sustainable – if you dislike what you’re doing, you will find ways to get out of it.

        April 30, 2013
  7. Lol you totally crack me up! It sounds like a fun class. But aerobics classes scare me. I have problems coordinating my arms and legs, following instructions and remembering to breathe all at the same time!

    April 29, 2013
    • That’s one of the great things about water aerobics is that no one can really tell if you’re not doing all the moves right 😀 Sometimes I know I’m just way off track with the moves, but whatever – as long as I’m moving, that’s the thing. If everyone could see me though, I’d be working extra hard to keep up. I’d probably have a heart attack.

      April 30, 2013
  8. Hilarious, Michelle! One of the main reasons I don’t swim as cross-training for my running is because the water is COLD! And it’s hard!

    May 6, 2013
    • Yeah, I just got out of a new class they’re doing and I’m wiped out tonight!

      May 6, 2013

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