Third Month’s The Charm
This is what I had to say last month:
“I don’t have to think about every one of these every moment. But they are with me nonetheless. They travel through every day with me; they go where I go. Things I need to do. Things I need to do better. Things I want to change about myself. Things I don’t want to fail at.”
My resolutions did feel like a burden in February; not a burden I was willing to put down, but a weight to bear nonetheless. I was unable to give equal focus to 12 different resolutions, and so I felt their individual needs for attention pressing down on me.
I think the heaviest weight was the weight of failure. Or maybe the fear of failure, that I couldn’t do this. The fear that, since one or two things weren’t going so smoothly, then the whole thing would ultimately blow up in my face. Because that’s what happens.
It was the dread and anxiety of waiting for the unavoidable blow of the hammer of doom upon the rusty nail that seals the lid that tops the coffin that holds the corpse of my ultimately, inevitably killed – nay, murdered! – ambitions.
But you know what? It’s never been murder; it’s always been suicide. Doubt sets in, and I don’t want to fail, for my dream to be murdered. So I kill it myself.
And I control the hammer, too.
Thank you so much, friends! Thank you for your kind words, always; your support and inspiration; your “attagirls”, and “you can do it”s; and for not letting me not believe in myself. You are the reason I chose to share my resolutions; I knew I couldn’t do it on my own. I knew I would need you.
I didn’t know I would need you as early as February. 🙂
But I did. I was able to talk to you, and you helped me see that I have a lot of resolutions, but I’ve got plenty of time to work on them. March was so much easier as a result.
In March, I concentrated more on the big-ticket items, like budget and nutrition, and less on some of the smaller things. I didn’t let myself be bothered (well, not much) by the lack of a new Query picture on the sidebar. I didn’t get too crazy about a blank Thankful page, either. Mostly, I just let myself be thankful – that’s what it’s all about anyway, right? I didn’t stress about finding situations to fulfill resolutions; instead, I let them find me. And find me they did.
The crux is that by easing back and only taking on as much as I could chew at one time, I was actually able to accomplish more. I was mentally and emotionally relaxed and open. With less room taken up by anxiety, there was more room to appreciate the process. There was more room to really evaluate what was happening, what is working or not working. There was more room to enjoy my successes.
Click here to see how I did: Resolutions – March 2012