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Posts tagged ‘Fear’

Jul 27

28 Comments

I don’t feel like writing this post

Is it okay not to “feel it”?  Because I just don’t feel it.  I commented recently that I have all kinds of things on my mind right now, but I’m blank at the same time.  Does that happen to you?  Do you ever have a whirlwind of thought and emotion tearing through your brain…that just won’t come out in any kind of meaningful way?  Nick just wrote about when he was younger and more inclined to put down random thoughts without caring that they would impact no one, and that’s what I believe I need to do. continue reading…

Jun 17

4 Comments

i’m getting older and still no plan

No longer child’s play: I still don’t know where I’m heading.

9/18/06

I just turned 37, which is way closer to 40 than I ever imagined myself getting.  That’s not to say that I didn’t think I’d make it to 40, it’s just to say that I’ve never imagined myself getting this old.

In reality, 37 feels about the same as 27 did.  Only older.

It’s one more example for me that life is somehow a circular thing.  No matter how far I go, how much I change or stay the same, how different my life circumstances turn out to be, I always somehow end up in the exact same place.  It’s like the Mayan theory of time passage.  So what’s the point of moving ahead, other than sheer boredom?

What I feel differently now amounts close to panic.  That is the difference between 27 and 37.  In both cases, I definitely felt the pressure of time running out.  Only now I have ten years added to that – with all the same have-nots in my life, and I still have no plan.  And it’s no one’s fault but my own.

11/2/02

Why do I feel like so much time is passing me by?  It slips like water through my fingers – cold and invisible, it drips away until there is nothing left but the memory of it.

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Jun 11

2 Comments

Wherefore At My Door, Opossum, Oh Possum?

Sometime during the last six months or so, I started going outside with Louis when I let him out at night. I’ve been doing this because:

  1. my parents guilted me into it
  2. my neighbor told me how many times he and his wife have seen bobcats around here
  3. there was recently a snake in my yard (click here to read about that)

I’ve lived here for 13+ years and Louis has lived here for 8+ years.  Nothing’s ever gotten him yet, but that doesn’t mean it can’t ever happen.  For the past year or so, my parents have pretty consistently shared their concerns that an owl is going to swoop down out of the sky, snatch up their little Grand-Doggy and eat him up.  “He’s a little dog.  An owl will grab up a little dog before you know it.” continue reading

May 20

15 Comments

A Snake in the Grass…err…Weeds

So when I got home yesterday, there was an ENORMOUS snake stretched out across my driveway.

Well…there was a snake, anyway.

Despite having lived basically in the woods for over 13 years, this is the first snake I’ve seen near the house (about 50 feet away).  And that’s okay by me. Continue Reading…

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