Dec 23
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When things feel dire, it’s like the church abandons all that God has told us about who he is in exchange for what we think would work faster and better.
Here’s a hint from history: IT NEVER WORKS FASTER OR BETTER.
– Matt Chambers
from:
∞
Nov 4
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I’ve been working hard lately at observing my thoughts and choosing to change the stories that I tell myself about my life and the things that happen to me.
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Taking responsibility for myself, for my responses, for my actions is so much more powerful than getting stuck in the blame game. I am the only person that I have any control over, so optimizing my choices about what I do (and don’t do) matters.
– KJ
from:
∞
I came across yesterday’s journal entry just the day before, and of course I had forgotten all about writing it. And yet, don’t many of the words seem very familiar? I wrote it nearly a year and a half ago (long before the idea of blogging ever crossed my mind), and lo and behold, it’s one of my resolutions this year. Following through on my good intentions, on the internal prompts I get to reach out to people, falls under the Being Nice category, that resolution of ill-defined proportions.
As I look through my old journals and pick out pieces from this year or that, I see how consistent I am in my thought processes, my opinions, my desires, and in the things that I want to change about myself. Perhaps the biggest consistency of all is that I don’t change. I don’t believe that’s unique to me; I think it’s simply a characteristic of humanity.
To begin with, we don’t always recognize the possibility (probability?) that we need to change. It’s so easy to criticize other people and so hard to see undesirable characteristics in ourselves. And when we do recognize the uglier parts of ourselves – the thoughts or actions that repeatedly cause us heartache, discomfort or just minor irritation – they are quickly forgotten. We behave in ways that we don’t like and we suffer the emotional backlash (hurt, anger, sadness, distress), but life keeps moving forward and we are soon emotionally and mentally past the upset.
Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
I’ve long understood that I am who I am, and without putting diligent, targeted effort into changing things about myself, I will continually repeat the same patterns over and over. This is clearly evident in my journals: write about it; forget about it; write about it again a year later, using much of the same vocabulary, phrasing, tone and emotion.
One of the things that blogging has afforded me is public accountability. We are, as bloggers, publicizing our thoughts and opinions, our feelings and experiences. And this year, since I started blogging, has become quite a bit about facilitating change within myself, moving forward in a positive direction. Posting about it – knowing I will post about it, victory or loss – has helped keep me motivated to trudge on. I feel as if I’ve stepped off the treadmill and my feet are on the ground for the first time. And I may actually get somewhere.
I don’t expect that to be the last journal entry in which I chastise myself for not listening to that still small voice, for not reaching out to others, for not walking my faith. But I hope it’s the beginning of the end.
♦
11/21/10I don’t always say everything I’m thinking in (Sunday School), because I already feel like I probably talk too much. And I do have a fear of being offending to other people, or other people just thinking of me as being… mouthy, I guess. What I didn’t bring up today was, “What are the things that we want to run away from, instead of living in that moment? What are we not facing or not walking through?”
It’s not just the big issues in our lives that we don’t want to face, like cancer, losing your job, or family disharmony. We also avoid so many small things, every day and every week.
It’s not reaching out to someone because of a fear of being rejected or fear of saying the wrong thing.
It’s knowing you should reach out to someone who is hurting or going through a hard time in their life, but only offering help in word and not in deed. Maybe you don’t want to add another complication to your life, and you know if you just send an email or a note saying, “Let me know if you need help,” that they won’t ask for it, because we typically don’t.
It’s not listening to that voice inside you that tells you what to do, because it takes effort and it takes follow-through and it takes the planning part of it that we were talking about in class.
These are ways in which we do not live the moment, we do not walk through it. Instead, we turn away from the opportunity that was presented to us: to minister, to uplift, to ease a burden, to help.
There are lots and lots of times when I see something and I’ll say, “Oh, I’ve got to ask so-and-so about this, if they’d like to do that with me.” Or, “I should tell so-and–so about this great program that’s available for her and her situation.” But I don’t do it.
It’s that little voice that speaks these ideas to us, but we ignore it and we let it go and we let it drop. We don’t following through. And maybe that was God telling you, “Hey, that person needs you!” And that you need them, and you need more people in your life, and you need to be a person of action and a person who walks their faith instead of just thinking their faith.
I need to get my faith past my thought life and into my actual life, and into the action of my life.
It’s also keeping your mouth shut when God is compelling you to speak. Because you’re afraid to say too much, say the wrong thing, or be annoying, or be perceived in anything but the best light.
♦
I'm a writer and photographer, sometime poet and philosopher, who is figuring out who she was meant to be.
Me Robo El Show (Instrumental Jazz Mix) by Jeris is licensed under a Attribution Noncommercial (3.0).
steadily skipping stones 