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Posts from the ‘Being Human’ Category

Is it almost spring yet?

I’ve got a little cold. Not too bad, just a bit stuffy and sneezy and coughy and droopy and headache…y. You know the drill.

But even as my energy was waning this afternoon (ok, it was barely 1 o’clock), I was also feeling a sort of kick of emotional energy. I was feeling kind of happy. For absolutely no good reason.

Who needs a reason to be happy, anyway?

I think that seasonal defective disorder is a sneaky thing. The super early nights don’t make me crazy depressed, but I’m certainly less motivated and inspired during the short winter days.

The cold doesn’t help – I just don’t want to stir. Some of my blog friends were getting their first snows in October. How do you guys keep going? Brrrr!

It’s not warm here yet, but my body knows it’s coming. The days are getting longer. I feel as though I’m blinking my eyes, yawning and slowly waking, just about ready to come out of hibernation. My mind and my heart and my muscles are twitching with the need to stretch and move and go and do.

Hurry up Spring!

Ensnared by Doubt

I often fall into the trap of doing nothing.

I shy back from words or action because I think I’m not the right person. I don’t know what I’m doing, my words are jumbled up, I’m a nobody, probably my thoughts are all wrong, people will think I’m crazy, I’ll look like a fool.

I doubt myself: my intellect, abilities, emotions, my experience, knowledge, understanding, my opinions, beliefs…my everything.

Sometimes when I’m prompted to do, my confidence gets lost in the folds of these doubts. And so I don’t.

I don’t speak up.

I don’t reach out.

I don’t.

I’ve been following along as a fellow blogger, Alise, prepared to take a step outside of her comfort zone and travel to another country to help young girls who were rescued from a life of sexual slavery. At one point, a commenter suggested that the money Alise raised for this trip could be put to better use by sending trained counselors, or funding a building, or buying food. I don’t believe it was suggested with malice, but it reminded me that confidence-damaging words and ideas can come from any direction, even from people who mean the best.

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Doubt can be a snare, small and easily disguised. A slim cord that lays in wait. One emotional misstep and it snaps tight so quickly that you don’t know what happened.  Suddenly you’re choked for air. Your mind races through escape routes but the loss of oxygen debilitates to the point where you simply can’t think, and the easiest thing is to just go quiet.

That sounds so scary, and in my physical life I would fight – I would kick and claw and do whatever I could to get out of that snare.

But in my emotional life it’s just the opposite: it feels scarier to fight against negative thoughts than to give in to them. And so I go quiet, I sit still, ensnared by doubt.

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Alise is in another country today. In her last post before leaving she said, “I know that there are people who are probably better suited for this trip.” And she wasn’t going without fear, but she was  going. Maybe she’s not the most qualified person to go there, but she has something that nobody else can offer, and that’s herself. She is uniquely qualified to offer up her heart and her love and her support to those girls.

A lifetime of experience has taught me not to be myself. But here in the intimate setting of this world wide web, I’m training myself to grow in the right direction. I’m forcing myself to speak up, and reach out, and do. I’m learning that it’s okay to be me. After all, I’m the only one on the planet who can fill that job.

I constantly look outside of myself for positive examples like Alise. And I constantly find them. I also find encouragement and kindness from the friends I’ve made in the blogging community. You all let me be foolish and silly, and occasionally incoherent. You let me change my mind. You let me pursue thoughts and ideas willy-nilly, not only here but in the comments on your own blogs. And you never tell me that I’m crazy or a nobody or that my thoughts are all wrong.

You help me face my fears and fight against the choking power of self-doubt. And that’s pretty darn awesome. 

Items of Interest:

The Nitty Gritty (what Alise expects in Moldova)

New Memories (Alise’s last post before leaving)

Risk is scary. Regret is worse. (by Kylie: a great post about facing our doubts and fears)

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My Real Christmas

I intended to post this on Christmas day, but I forgot I had a quote lined up and it automatically posted before I even rolled out of bed.  This is a video I made for a contest about what your holiday is really like.

Thanks to The Byronic Man and Go Jules Go, who joint hosted the contest! Definitely check out those links to the entrants, because there was a lot of funny stuff submitted.

Here’s what I came up with:

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I hope your holiday was a joyous and not oo frustrating occasion!

UNDEAD: Revived, Resuscitated, and Reborn by Clay Morgan

*Leave a comment to win a copy of Undead!

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So, I’ve been talking about that Clay Morgan guy a lot recently; after all, October is UNDEAD month.  Maybe you’re wondering why I’d give a month of my space to Clay or his book.  And that’s a good question; thanks for asking.  Maybe you’re saying, “Why don’t you give up all of your space to someone who knows what they’re doing?”  But that’s not a good question, and I’m just going to pretend you didn’t say that.

Okay, so the short answer is that I believe in them.  I like both Clay and his book, and I believe in what they have to say.

Of course, the long answer is longer.

Here’s where I explain the book…sort of.

I’ve found it difficult to nutshell Undead; when people ask, my thoughts scatter in about ten directions at once.  In my defense, I’ve heard Clay Morgan himself explain the book in about five different ways.  The truth is that Undead covers a lot of territory, like doubt, the emotional tombs we crawl into, giving selflessly and how it’s not that easy to follow in Christ’s footsteps.  Here’s my try at a description:

In the beginning, Clay asks, “What if there isn’t just death and life, but death and undeath?”  From there, he leads us on a journey through a history of the undead, from ancient stories of the dead arising to why we’re still so fascinated with these creatures today.  Primarily, he recounts the six recorded incidents of the dead being brought back to life in the bible and uses those varied scenarios to discuss contemporary Christian life.  Pop culture references are effectively woven throughout the narrative as well, particularly the zombies that Clay employs so well to illustrate a shambling state of existence.

Above all, Undead asks the question, “Why isn’t this working?”  

“This is the thing I always believed was part of the answer to life, as in I just need this  to be happy and fulfilled.  We try all kinds of things in hopes of finding the right this.”  So why isn’t this  working?  Many of us are like spiritual zombies, shuffling through life, “unfulfilled by either pursuing or obtaining the objects of our desire.”  And “what happens when we have everything and still wake up feeling empty?”  Undead’s answer is that “God came to the land of the living dead so that the dead might live.”  We just have to choose life.

What I like about this book is that…

Undead offers me hope that I can be more than the zombie I sometimes act like, but never pretends that choosing life over death, choosing to be reborn, is easy.  Clay is very open and honest about his personal struggles and what he has viewed as his own spiritual shortcomings.  So instead of feeling my particular imperfections sharply contrasted against what I “should be”, I am shown that I’m actually a normal human being.  Yes, I can be more, I can strive to strengthen my relationship with God, to live more fully in my faith.  But questions, doubts and my internal struggling don’t make me a bad Christian.  Let me tell you, there’s something compelling about recognizing yourself on the page, being told that someone gets you, and feeling that they are speaking to you.  And beyond that, being told that you are okay, that you’re not alone – you’re not the only one, alone in this apocalypse.

Undead tells me something about myself. When I read a book like this, I ask, “Can I take a lesson from what I’m reading?  Does it make me ask questions about myself?  Does it challenge my viewpoint, my perspective, and offer me a different vantage from which to see?”  Undead fulfilled all of those needs for me. It reminded me about who I am and who I am striving to be.   It gave me new insight into my religion and my relationship with Christ.

About Clay Morgan…

The thing about Clay is he’s a nice guy.  I believe in the message of the book, and that the nature of the writing will help speak something wonderful into many ears that haven’t been listening.  But I know I wouldn’t put this much effort into promoting Undead if it weren’t for Clay.  I truly feel that his heart is in reaching out to people, particularly the youth community, and that he wants us to find what we’ve been looking for, to fill the emptiness of merely existing with the fullness of truly living.  I’m sure he wants to be successful for so many reasons, but if I thought his primary motivation was self, then you wouldn’t be reading this right now.

A couple of months ago, Clay helped me. I didn’t ask for help, he just offered it, in response to a simple, frustrated tweet.  And then he followed through.  I’m sure he doesn’t even remember it, and I imagine it wasn’t a big deal to him at all.  But it was a big deal to me.  Truthfully, I’m really spoiled.  I know that I can come here and find kindness and encouragement.  But this is my home, and you are my family.  As much as your support and caring are a continual wonder to me, I’m blown away when I find that kindness coming to me from the outside.  And I’m a sucker for people who are nice to me.

So there you go.

But wait, there’s more!

I’ve got a signed copy of Undead that I’d love to give to one of you!  Just include the word Undead  in your comment, and I’ll put you in the drawing.  I’d love to hear your thoughts either way.

Click here to visit Clay Morgan’s site and find out more about Undead:

Something Missing ad

I’d never seen a trailer for a book before, but this is cool, ya’ll:

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