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Random Thoughts – my social fear

My big social fear is ridicule.

As much as I delight in sharing my opinion, I am pretty well ruled by that fear.

Looking foolish, stupid, incorrect.

It keeps me in check a lot of the time.

To reveal the workings of my mind and heart is to make myself vulnerable to ridicule.

Better to keep silent than to expose my tender shoots to the harsh elements of public scrutiny.

Blogging has made me face this fear in a big and very public way.

I still fear being called out, laughed at, or trampled on in some way.

I still super fear scorn, the poison on the tip of ridicule’s blade.

I still don’t let some of the me’s in me come out too much.

Or ever.

But I’m working on that.

~~~

Do you have a social fear?

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15 Comments Post a comment
  1. Ricky Anderson #

    Ditto for me, Michelke.

    March 16, 2014
    • Haha, I see what you meant now, Rickly. 🙂

      March 16, 2014
  2. I have agree with you. It definitely was a cause for fear the first 98 times I clicked “publish”.

    March 16, 2014
    • I still have second (and third and fourth) thoughts before I hit publish sometimes. But mostly for me it’s when I comment. I fear I’m too abstract or wordy or pushy or not perceptive enough, or that I’ve made the wrong assumptions. That somehow my flawed nature will be super exposed. It just feels that much more vulnerable in other people’s homes.

      March 16, 2014
  3. Boots,
    I don’t really hunt ridicule, but I’m open to its interest in residing over my fireplace all stuffed with marshmallows ready for roasting.
    RR

    March 16, 2014
    • It deserves to be shot, haha. I was thinking today that I’m too prone to mental ridicule myself. And verbal sometimes, too. Not often, but that’s often enough. Judgemental is not a pretty face to wear. And I’ve no reason to feel superior to anyone else, that’s for sure.

      March 16, 2014
      • Try feeling totally superior and totally inferior at the same time – blows out a lot of cobwebs and jiggles the confinements of mental constructs around your essence. 🙂

        March 16, 2014
  4. I am much braver than I was when I was young. Being old is very freeing. I still have fears but I am better at swatting them away…they come back but I just swat them again. Sadly, there are a couple that I am even afraid to swat!

    March 16, 2014
    • Good for you! I’m finding that getting some age under my belt helps me, too. It’s easier to see what’s really important from this vantage point. But I still have so much more growing up to do.

      March 16, 2014
      • I think we never really grow up…just older. At least I still feel like a child…until I look in a mirror then I wonder what the heck happened.

        March 16, 2014
  5. Ditto everything Patricia said. Age helps a lot. I’m much braver now than when I was younger, and for most things I honestly just don’t care anymore what other people think. Losing your hair from chemo and having to go out in public makes a difference, too!

    March 18, 2014
    • I bet! I need to catch up with you – I’ve been in withdrawal mode these last two months. I am occasionally reading blogs, but nothing heavy. It’s sad because when I get like this, I pull back from more involved relationships. But I guess it makes sense too, that I’d only read notices I can quickly get through and delete. But I hope you are feeling so much better now! I’m sorry I haven’t supported you more.

      March 18, 2014
      • I get the same way. No need to apologize! I’ve been going through a little writing slump myself. I just haven’t felt like writing much lately and haven’t been commenting much on other blogs. Other than that, I’m doing really, really great. I feel almost like my old self again. I’m running/walking again, eating normally, and getting ready to start up a vegetable garden in the back yard. Still knitting and just enjoying life! I hope you you’re taking lots of time for yourself. I bet you’re tired of winter, too!

        March 19, 2014
  6. I feel that fear of sharing my opinions sometimes because even as innocuous as the topics I choose are (I don’t do politics, for example) it seems that a person or too can still end up offended. I’ve worked on not caring, but it’s hard. I’m sorry you’re feeling this way too.

    March 19, 2014
    • I think sometimes that I’m too sensitive, but other times I realize that it’s just who I am. It’s hard to be brave and break out of our natural shells, but it’s super good to practice and get a feel for what it’s like on the other side of life. As for your writing, I think a big part of that is the size of your audience. Obviously, you have a much larger audience than I do, and your free-lance writing is appearing in places with large and varied audiences. These more “private” blogs get comments from people who come here often, who have a relationship with the writer in some way. With that larger, less personal audience, there are bound to be people who love to disagree or see things in a way that you didn’t mean. Some of them just thrive on that. You just have to keep being true to yourself is all!! 🙂

      April 15, 2014

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