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Posts tagged ‘photo’

In Which I Get All Sanctimonious and Then Regret It

I’m a pharmacy scheduler for a drug store chain, and it’s my responsibility to make sure pharmacist’s vacations and requests off are covered in my district, including sick days and other call-outs. I knew the snow we got last Wednesday night was going to be an issue on Thursday, so when I got the first call at 7 am, I was nice but pretty much said, “the store has to open, so you need to try to get there.” Luckily, her pharmacy partner had a 4-wheel drive, and she went in instead with no problem.

But as the day wore on, more calls and complaints came in, including questions like, “I had a hard time getting in today, how do I call out next time?” 

You don’t! You had a week’s notice that this snow was coming! You could have gotten a room in town last night. You’re a pharmacist, and you make a lot of money, in part because of your expertise and in part because you are essential personnel. The pharmacy can’t legally open without you – there will be customers who need your help today. You should have planned better.

It’s stressful for me when I get call-outs I know I can’t cover, and I got a little more irritated with each situation. More than once I found myself saying to my boss or to a pharmacist whose partner didn’t show up, “If I knew I had to be at work today, I would have been there.”

And it’s true. I have driven to work in the snow, and left in the snow. Sleet, rain, ice? No problem. I’ve worked through tropical storms and even a hurricane once (in a Virginia gets side-swiped kind of way, but it was still scary). I’ve never missed a day at this job because of weather.

Until Friday.

I figured I’d be okay to get out of the driveway by 1 or so on Friday afternoon, which would have been fine. And failing that, I didn’t really need to get out until Saturday afternoon when I had to babysit, and I could stop at a store and do the payroll then.

But an 11 am conference call was sprung on me, and I’d need to be on my work computer to take it. I should have just said “I can’t make that,” but after all my big talk, I felt like I had to. I said I’d be at work if I had to be, no matter what the weather conditions. So I had to back that up with effort.

And shortness of breath. And sore arms. And back pain.

After two snowfalls, each followed by freezing rain, I had a driveway full of deep, crusty snow to get over. And my driveway is long. It was just too deep for my undercarriage, and the crust so thick and unyielding that I couldn’t push through.

So I shoveled. And shoveled.

Damn my big mouth. “If I had to be at work today, I’d make it in no matter what.”

Man I wished I could suck back a lotta words on Friday.

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If I had it to do differently, I’d have parked at the bottom of the driveway on Wednesday night. 

Oh yeah, and I wouldn’t have been so holier-than-thou. 🙂

Knowing that I didn’t have to work on Thursday (or even Friday if I couldn’t get out) made it really easy for me to be judgy about those pharmacists who didn’t plan ahead themselves. Even if they thought in the back of their minds that they’d just get a free snow day, that’s no excuse for me to act so superior.

Irony: When I came in the house to get on the call (humbly, with the expectation of a “weather isn’t an excuse” talking down for not making it in to the office) there wasn’t anyone on it. The call had been cancelled.

Have you ever regretted some big talk?


I didn’t even cry at the Zombie Walk

But I did sort of run away once.  Of course, by sort of, I mean definitely. And by once, I mean three times. But still!

My cousin Krystal is part of a non-profit group called The Mean Mommies of Fredericksburg, and they do a lot of volunteering.  This is the second time they’ve put on the zombie walk but I didn’t go last year.    Although I have my suspicions that The Mean Mommies is just a cover for this group of friends to get together, be loud and drink wine, I can’t deny that they do good work.  More than 800 people showed up to the walk this year, up 200 from last year, and they all brought canned goods and cleaning supplies to benefit the Fredericksburg Area Food Bank, Hope House, SECA and SERVE. That’s a lot of donations!

My friend Toni and I didn’t dress up, and I was a little nervous about being one of the only living people there, but there was plenty of other live bait around.  As for zombies, they were represented from one extreme to the other, from a little face makeup to full out creep-fest. And I couldn’t believe how some of them stayed in character – really, truly – the entire time we were there.  More than three hours these people moaned and shuffled around the park, occasionally walking up on someone and just staring (no biting, thank goodness) before they moved on.  Impressive!  The other thing that surprised me is all the kids, even young kids, that were totally into the whole zombie deal, not afraid at all.  They were really having fun!

Actually, everyone had fun.  Here are some pictures!  I couldn’t decide, so there are a lot:

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I’m glad I went!  And thanks to Toni for going with me.  She somehow got wrangled into being a judge for all the costume contests, and she was a really good sport.  By somehow, I mean that I said, “Toni will do it!”.  Also, if she wasn’t there I most definitely would have left sooner, because one of those times I would have run all the way back to my car.  All-in-all, it was a fun afternoon of zombie watching and a lot of nervous laughter on my part.  All for a good cause, too.

I Exercised! ……for maybe five minutes

Oh, my friends…  I’ll have to fight hard for this one.

On month eight of twelve, I finally pulled out my tiny trampoline to start fulfilling my exercise resolution.   Should I tell you that I didn’t even do that until the third week of August?  Yeah, I think I’ll keep that to myself.  Should I tell you that there are various items sitting on it right now, that I dumped there when I came in the door, and that it’s been accumulating detritus for a week?  I don’t think I’ll tell you that, either.

In August, I realized that I want all these things for myself, and yet I don’t have a plan for getting them.  I set these goals, these resolutions, but I never took the time to map out how I would reach the end of this one-year journey, what steps I would take to get there.  In one case, that didn’t matter: I wanted to take a photography class, so I found one and signed up.  But the rest of the goals I wanted to accomplish do not fall into that one-and-done category.  The rest of my goals required thought and planning and…well, more goals, defined steps to get there.

Simply thinking about my big goals hasn’t provided me with the concrete guidance I need.  Thinking about a goal gives me an overall idea of what I want and how I might accomplish it, but when it’s time to do the work, I am left to meander here and there, finding my way to the end any way I am able.  It’s like following pathways in the woods: some are real, some are dead ends, and some just lead you around and around to nowhere.

There’s another drawback to just “thinking” about what I want: I’m noticing that I spend too little of my thought-life in the present.  Particularly with the resolutions I’m not successful with, the ones that are more difficult for me motivation-wise.  I spend most of my time in “if only”.  If only I had stuck with my healthy eating in April, where would I be now?  I’d feel so much better; I’d weigh less; I’d be happier with myself and with my body.  If only I had kept strictly to my budget, I’d have more money in the bank, I’d be this much closer to paying off that last credit card.

If I’m not thinking about the past, then I’m “could-ing” myself into the future.  By this time next year, I could have this much money in the bank.  By this time next year, I could be at this weight.  The thing is, when I’m concentrating on the “if only’s”, I am less happy, less motivated, and it’s even harder for me to keep going.  Because I’m concentrating on something negative, on what I didn’t do or what I wish I had done.  Those thoughts and feelings hold me back as much as anything else, because they mire me in my failures.

I fully believe in visualizing yourself attaining your goals, but if all you’re doing is planning and thinking about the future, then the present slips beneath you unnoticed.  All your excitement and your hope is focused on some vague point down the road.  It seems to me that it would benefit my journey more if my excitement and my hope were centered around my next step.  Anything that I can do to make my next step easier and more natural, then that will make my end goal that much more possible to achieve.

At this point I’m just going to keep plodding away.  I know I’ll continue at least three of my resolutions into 2013, and I’ll use the experience I’ve gained so far to build on next year.  I can’t continue just “thinking” about what I want to do – or should do, or might do, or will do in the future.  So, I’ll spend the last months of this year putting together a real set of goals: not just a final destination, but the steps I’ll take to get there.  No more wandering down forest paths – I’m going to make myself a map.  That way, I’ll know where I’m going, I can accurately measure my accomplishments, and I can focus on the steps I’m taking RIGHT NOW .

Items of Interest:

Resolutions – August 2012


the Infinite Monkey speaks: on money management

Random brilliance from across the blogosphere…


If you want to save money, don’t cut coupons, don’t drive around town and waste your time hitting all the sales.  Keep it simple.  If you want to save money, then don’t spend it.  Then you don’t have to work as many hours and you can spend your free time doing things that you actually do enjoy…like drawing on your little brother. 

–  clotildajamcracker

Take this mop and shove it