Do you believe in Soulmates?
Like the Consequences Query, this one had quite a few people stumped. Some couldn’t answer it at all. One person said she was just too bitter about love right now to answer that question. Which is as good an answer as any; it’s honest. For those who did have an answer, it often took some time to get to it.
Another interesting thing is that I quickly realized people were defining the term differently. The lines between the yes’ and no’s started to blur, depending on what the person considered a soulmate to be. As I talked to people, I went back and forth on my own opinion a few times. Which I found to be pretty confusing until I realized it was a perception issue. After that I started asking people what they meant by soulmate. As a result, this is one of the most conversation-heavy Queries I’ve done.
As for me, I do not believe that there is only one person in the world that is meant for me. I believe that there are many, many people in the world that I would be compatible with, and I know that you can love more than one person in a lifetime. I do envy those people who have met what seems to be their perfect match; I think that’s rare and wonderful. In that sense, I do believe in soulmates. I just don’t think there’s only one person who could be my soulmate.
Here is what some other people said:
Amanda: Yeah…because I believe I’m with mine now.
—Michelle: What makes you sure?
Amanda: We’ve been through so much, and everything we went through that should put us apart, we keep winding up right back with one another.
—Michelle: Do you feel that, out of the whole world, that’s the only person? How do you define soulmate?
Amanda: Well, my definition of soulmate is not necessarily…you can have a soulmate in a best friend. Or you can have your soulmate as your significant other. Now, my…John is my best friend plus my significant other. We’ve been apart a year, and in a year’s time I’ve never loved anybody like I loved him.
—Michelle: Everything makes me think of more questions, just like that…because I’m thinking, well, it really depends on how you define soulmate. Because you could have more than one soulmate… But some people believe there’s only one person in the whole world. I can’t imagine that there’s only one person you’re that compatible with.
Amanda: Yeah, that’s why I don’t consider it just your significant other. Like my best friend, D, we’ve been best friends since 7th grade, and he lives in Massachusetts…and he can tell that I’m having a bad day just by one little text. And not too many people can pick up on people that quick. So, I’m compatible with two people, but I’m in love with one and one’s my best friend.
Iesha: I do.
—Michelle: How do you define soulmate?
Iesha: I believe that there’s someone meant for every person. No one is meant to be alone.
Michelle: Is there such a thing as soulmates?
—Donna: Hmmm…I don’t know.
Michelle: …the longest pause ever….
—Abena: I don’t believe there is such a thing as soulmates…I think you grow into it…
—Abena: …that’s what I’ll say…I think you grow to be soulmates. But I don’t think there’s such a thing as soulmates.
Michelle: Not like one person specifically for…
—Abena: …yes, you grow into it as you are together and you learn each other, and all that…
Donna: I’d have to agree with that…because I wouldn’t say that when Rick and I were first together we were like…but now I would say we are. And this is after twenty some years.
Michelle: Steve, is there such a thing as soulmates?
—Steve: I think so.
Michelle: How do you know?
—Steve: I know.
Michelle: What do you define as soulmates?
—Steve: Someone with the same core beliefs, that you know what each other is thinking.
Gloria: Yes. I think so.
—Michelle: How do you define soulmate?
Gloria: It’s like you meet somebody that you have an instant connection with – that you have never seen before – and it’s like magic. And I believe in destiny; there’s one person that’s destined for me. I never lose hope – I’m still hoping – my hopes are high.
Michelle: Is there such a thing as soulmates?
—Rosemary: I believe so, yes.
Michelle: How do you know that it’s your soulmate?
—Rosemary: You know. It’s just…you just know. That’s how you know, because you just know…that…that’s the one.
Michelle: Do you think it’s one person in the whole world or do you think there are multiple people in the world that could be your soulmate?
—Rosemary: I think there’s one person that could be your soulmate. I think there are other people that you’re compatible with, but there’s only one person that’s your true soulmate.
Michelle: But what if you never meet that person? It’s a big world!
—Rosemary: I can’t believe that you won’t meet him. Now, whether you recognize that they’re your soulmate is another thing…because a lot of people have been through so much they don’t trust their own self to realize that that is their soulmate.
Michelle: What I have a hard time with is the idea that there’s only one person in the whole world…it’s kind of romantic…but how is that even possible? It’s not fair if there’s only one person and you don’t meet them.
—Rosemary: I think everybody meets them at some point in time in their life, but like I said, I think… I can’t see – I don’t know how to put it – your Spiritual One, their great Creator, whoever you want to call Him, putting you on Earth, not having somebody for everybody. And whether you meet them and just didn’t realize it, that they were the one. You know how some people, they meet that one person, and they just screwed the relationship up…
Michelle: …or they say, “I’m not gonna date a short guy,” or “I’m not gonna date a bald guy.”
—Rosemary: Right. And that could be your soulmate. I mean, it’s not that it’s not there…it’s just that, He can’t do everything. That’s what He gave you free will for!
Marsha: Well…I guess. Yeah, if you’re lucky enough to find them, yes, they’re out there.
—Michelle: Do you think it’s one person in the whole world, or do you think there could be several people that could be your soulmate.
Marsha: That…I’m not so sure about. I don’t know, I guess there could be more than one. That’s sad to think…because if you never leave your hometown…you’re SOL.
Logan: No. I think it’s something that has to be created, it’s not something that’s just found.
—Angel: I think it’s just between the two people. It’s different for everybody.
Michelle: How do you define soulmate?
—Logan: It’s someone that is destined to be together no matter what and that they’re perfect for each other.
Angel: I think it’s not destiny or fate that you’ll wind up with the person that you’re supposed to be with.
Tom: Yeah, but I think that there’s more than one.
—Jacque: You still looking for yours?
Tom: No…let me explain. I think that there are people that are right for each other…I would like to think that we’re right for each other. I feel, certainly like I’ve been blessed to have the right person.
—Jacque: Magic words…
Tom: Having said that, it could have happened with someone else. You know, both of us…we were together…I mean…that’s it…we were together, we got to know each other.
—Jacque: Well, is it a matter of personality types meshing, or soulmates.
Michelle: Well, that’s the question…what constitutes a soulmate?
—Jacque: I don’t know.
Tom: Well…that, you could ask a hundred different people and they could give you a hundred different answers of what they think a soulmate is. To me, I would interpret it as – someone that I would feel is a soulmate for me – would be somebody I felt that it was meant to be, that it’s just right. With all the good and all the bad.
Jacque: I don’t know whether it’s personalities and all that makes it that way, or whether you just get used to each other, or…I don’t know. But I think that…I think that we were fortunate that we had each other…
—Tom: …and that we got to raise each other…
Jacque: …yeah…yeah, I think some of it is that. And I do think that there are some people that find the person that is perfect for them, or as perfect as it can be, you know, with two different personalities, and they’re fortunate. But I think a lot of it is that people…well, that’s getting off on another track…I think people give up, sometimes, too soon. It’s just easy to walk away. But, yeah, I feel pretty much the way Tom does, I really do. I just find it hard – I guess it’s the skeptic in me – I find it hard to believe that two people can meet and be “perfect for each other”, without… I just find that hard to believe. I think that there’s work put into a relationship, and, like any other thing you do, you get out of it what you put into it. I’ve read about these people that say they met, three weeks later they’re married and stay married for 60 or 70 years, but I think that’s few and far between. … But with Tom and I…I just can’t imagine being with anybody else.
Tom: You know… I used to…you had a picture up on your dresser – I don’t know if you remember it or not. I don’t know what you’ve done with it, but it had a bunch of pictures of ya’ll as kids and everything.
—Jacque: It’s there somewhere.
Tom: And I’d walk by that thing, and I’d see that picture of you as a little girl…and I would feel so sorry for you. I’m serious! Why, I don’t know. It’s just, I guess, some of the stuff you’ve told me about your childhood and how you felt, and that this, that and the other kind of stuff…and you know, I would tell that picture, “Just hold on…I’m gonna be there. Just hold on. I’m coming.”
—Jacque: Isn’t that sweet? Isn’t that sweet?
Tom: I’d do it all the time…I couldn’t help but look at it when I went by there. But that’s what…whether you call it soulmate or destiny…I feel like I was fortunate to be with Jacque. Her personality is what I needed. We compliment each other in a lot of different ways. She makes up for so many of my weaknesses. She can’t begin to get them all, but she makes up for a lot of them. And, what I feel lacking in myself, I can easily discover in her.
Items of Interest:
Love Letters and Cheap Applause Lines by JM Randolph
I like what Tom has to say. Jacque’s a lucky girl! I used to believe in soulmates, but not as I get older. I don’t think there’s one person we’re meant to be with, but I do acknowledge that there are people we connect with on a deeper level, but they can also be friends. I like to think that love grows, and changes, and matures, and becomes deeper with time, and that it can happen more than once in life.
I definitely believe it can happen more than once, at least that you can deeply love more than once. I always felt that the whole “one exact, specific person for everyone” was kind of unfair. There are so many people in the world who end up alone, so how does that add up? I also think that there are soulmates in friends. I can hardly believe the luck I had with the friends I ended up with. And it was all just random. I rarely get to see them anymore…but that doesn’t seem to matter in how we feel.
Oh, Tom made me cry. I think there’s more than one The One in a lifetime. We change, we grow, we learn things about ourselves; at different stages of our lives, there is One we find we love. Now, I’m not the type to fall head-over-heels with every guy I date. I’ve been truly in love three times. One was naive and young. The second was short-lived. The third? The third I’m stuck on, even though it’s not exactly a typical arrangement. And if he’d said the word, I would have left every guy I’ve dated or had a relationship with since I met him (and that includes the second One, though it would have been hard). There are lots of ways to love. And I would say all three of those men were my soulmates. I felt/feel connected and close and safe and comfortable, and I trust(ed) them with my heart even though I knew they would break it some day, and I trusted myself to give it to them in spite of what I knew would come. I only do that with soulmates. As to how I think it happens, well… for me, it’s a connection right away that grows and deepens over time.
That’s my dad. I agree with you that there can be more than one soulmate, and you make a great point about how we are really kind of different people at different times in our lives. So it kind of makes sense that the relationships we have would reflect that. That’s not to say that you can’t maintain a relationship from, say, high school (like my parents).
I’m glad you’ve been able to find that kind of connection!
I believe it is possible to love many people in one lifetime, but I think I believe that there are certain people who are truly soul mates.
I love my husband, but I think I had a soul mate and that i let him go.
We had a timing thing.
Which I guess some would argue would mean we weren’t meant to be, right?
Everything about that relationship was perfect — except I was ready to get married and he wasn’t. After five years, I figured, you know or you don’t. So I left. Sometimes I wonder if I should have stayed…
…but then I think I’m just glamorizing that relationship. I have a good gig right now. 😉
That’s a hard one. I think you can be soulmates and it still not work out. But, like everything else, it’s all about definition. I define a soulmate as one who you are supremely compatible with. To some, soulmate is THE meant-for-you person. I think you can be perfectly compatible with someone in almost every way, except that one way that makes it impossible for the relationship to work. Likewise, I know people who are not 100% compatible, but their relationships endure – and retain the love – through thick and thin.
Also, there are those we love deeply and truly, but the relationship is not a “soulmate” relationship. I had one of those, where this guy and I had lots of fun together, we enjoyed the same things, we even seemed to be able to read reach other’s minds and certainly could anticipate the other’s needs. But we also had different agendas and there was enough doubt on my part that I wouldn’t allow the relationship to progress. Ultimately, he moved on. To this day, I think of him not as the one who got away, because I know any romantic relationship would have eventually failed, but as an opportunity that I let pass me by. What I wonder is if I should have just taken what I wanted and damn the consequences.
Maybe you are romanticising what never would have been more than it was. Maybe not. Either way, what’s the harm in holding onto a soft spot from our past? It helps us see more clearly what we have now…or perhaps what we’re willing to risk next time.
What a thoughtful reply. It is a soft spot. That’s a nice way to think of it. And now that it is nearly 3:30 am, I think I shall go find my place next to my guy upstairs. 😉