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How Can I Love You More?

My sister and her husband just welcomed their daughter into the world yesterday afternoon.  I finally got over to the hospital today and, let me tell you, there is such a thing as ‘love at first sight’.  I look at this baby and I wonder, “How could I love you more than I do right now?  And I don’t even know you yet.”

They had a scare during the night, and I really believe that, had my sister not been awake, I may never have met this child.  Just the thought puts a knot in my chest and, honestly, I have to turn away from it.  I can’t imagine what that would be like.

But, thank God, she is here (my sister would probably add, “finally”).  She joins two brothers and one sister, who are in various stages of living, from 3 to almost 17.  It seems like just yesterday they were babies, and now the oldest is only a year away from college.  I remember looking at him when he was 3 and trying to imagine what he would look like as a teenager, trying to imagine what kind of kid he would be.  And then the same with his brother, and now his sister, and soon enough Allison will have her turn.

It was the same with each of them – instant love.  But as the years pass and as they come into their own, I do feel more and more love for them.  Or is this tightening in my heart an indication that I’m more aware of what there is to lose?  Or rather, who there is to lose.  I can’t tell what is growing stronger inside of me; is it my love for them, or my fear of losing them?  Maybe you can’t have one without the other.

Does our love grow stronger as time goes by?  Or is it that, as our children grow, there are more and more things about them to love?

I suppose the question is moot – it is simply enough that we love.

5 Comments Post a comment
  1. Beautiful. Congratulations to you and the parents! I love the honesty in your writing. I like the way you defined love as a feeling that feeds back on itself in a loop that constantly asks the question, “Can I love you more?” and each time finds “yes” as its answer, ad infinitum.

    May 4, 2011
    • skippingstones #

      Thanks, I keep wanting to take credit for her, like I had anything to do with it 🙂

      Also, this is what I love about the comments section – that is what I meant about love being kind of circular, but you said it so much better than I did! It’s nice to get other views, agree or disagree. That’s a big part of this for me. Thanks for responding!

      May 4, 2011
  2. Jacque M #

    Children are the reason there is hope in the world.

    I remember thinking when my first grand nephew was born, there is no way I could love any baby any more than this. Then my first grandson was born; whoa, miracle of miracles, all this love came from somewhere, so much more than I ever thought I could contain…. now three more grandchildren and the love just expands and expands.

    May 21, 2011
    • skippingstones #

      Yes, how does it do that? You feel as though you’ve given all you have – as though so much love has emanated from you that your chest has broken open and you’re inside out. And then, it turns back again upon itself, and it’s more like a pool inside you, warm and soothing and comforting. And it refreshes itself.

      May 21, 2011
  3. Jacque M #

    Beautiful

    May 28, 2011

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