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Posts tagged ‘family’

the Infinite Monkey speaks: on truth

Random brilliance from across the blogosphere…

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It’s hard to tell the truth, I guess, even to the person you know will love you no matter what.  Maybe we’re afraid of disappointing them.  Maybe we’re afraid of someone seeing us as who we really are.

 – K C Leighton

from:

I Have Spies, Girls With Freckles Can’t Be Punk Rockers, and Other Lies My Mother Told Me

Movie Quote Monday – Lars and the Real Girl

Today’s movie quote is sponsored by Clay Morgan.  And by sponsored, I mean he knows nothing about this post. That’s Clay’s new book, Undead, on the side bar – give the cover a click to see what it’s all about!  (It’s zombie non-fiction, so chew on that a minute.  Chew on that, haha.  I did zombie humor, ya’ll!)

Lars and the Real Girl is about a young man who buys a life-sized doll to be his girlfriend.  Before you click away!, this isn’t a creepy movie, I promise.  It’s actually – oh my gosh, this movie – it’s sweet and funny and sad and touching and it’s just so many things.  It’s quirky and unusual, which I love, love, love.  And I cry every single time, no matter how many times I’ve seen it.  I won’t tell you when I cry, because it would be too much of a spoiler, and also it kind of makes me feel super foolish.  But I guess that’s the thing, is this movie makes me cry (every single time), even though what I’m crying about is kind of ridiculous.  The emotions they’ve built up behind this crazy scenario are just so deep that I can’t help myself.

(Fine, I sob.  But let’s just keep that between us, okay?)

Family, community and relationships are at the heart of this movie, as well as loss and fear.  Lars doesn’t know how to have relationships with people.  I think he fears the thing he wants the most, which is so relatable.  I have struggled with that, certainly not in the same magnitude, in such a life-defining way, but I know what that feels like.  And so Lars buys this doll as a kind of emotional bridge: his interactions with this fake human are the first steps in enabling him to interact with real people.

In Undead, there’s a section about how we offer food to people when they need to be comforted.  Clay talks about something I never paid attention to before, how Jesus would bring someone back to life and then tell the family to feed that person.  “Jesus just brought you back from the dead…  Let’s eat!”

That passage immediately brought to mind a scene from Lars that left a big impression on me.  It’s one of those quiet and simple and wonderful scenes that speak so much, at least to me.  I’ve written before about not knowing how to handle grief situations, especially not knowing what to say. It’s so difficult to know how to console someone , and that’s what this scene is about.

Ladies from the community have come over to sit with Lars while he’s hurting.  And that’s it.  They quietly do their needlepoint and knitting, just being there with him.  And they feed him.

Lars:  I feel terrible that all this is happening so close to the baby coming.
—Mrs. Petersen:  That’s how life is, Lars.  Everything at once.
Mrs. Schindler:  We brought casseroles.
—Lars:  Thank you.  Um, is there something I should be doing right now?
Mrs. Bruner:  No, dear.  You eat.
—Mrs. Schindler:  We came over to sit.
Mrs. Petersen:  That’s what people do when tragedy strikes.
—Mrs. Schindler:  They come over and sit.
Lars:   Okay.

These women give Lars physical and emotional nourishment, food and companionship.  They don’t offer up platitudes or condolences.  They don’t give advice or talk about their own experiences of loss or heartache.

They come over and sit.

I feel like that’s a good lesson for me, in situations where another is suffering, to open my heart instead of my mouth.

What do you think?

Items of Interest:

Why can’t I say the right things? (in which I don’t just come over and sit)

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Happy Birthday to Me

Today is my birthday, and I don’t usually…

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Oh, you…

Thank you.  Thanks so much.

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That’s very kind, thank you…

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It’s no big deal – it’s just a birthday.  Everybody has one!

Really,  there’s no need for applause!

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Okay…I’ll wait.

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So what I was saying is that I usually don’t remember my birthday, much less do anything special for it.  I’ll think about it in July or August, but as the time draws near, I always forget again.  I think that’s because I want to deny it’s happening because that means I’m getting older and that means there’s less time left to do great things and that means I’m, like, so failing at this life thing and, O.M.G., I’m getting OLD, and “What is THAT?  THAT!”, is that a new wrinkle, because I think that’s a new wrinkle, oh my, I’ve got one foot in the grave already, “What a world! What a world!”, and that’s an appropriate quote ’cause I am totally starting to look like the witch in The Wizard of Oz, but not the good witch I am humble.

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I’m sorry, where was I?

Oh yes…  So, I went to dinner a few nights ago with my friends Terri and John, a truly lovely couple, and they surprised me with a birthday card (and dinner, aren’t they sweet?!).  I was confused at first, but then I thought, “Oh no yeah, it’s my birthday this week.”  Here is the card:

Yay for sharks that can’t jump off a card and eat you up!

You know, because I love sharks.

There’s a note on the inside that says they only picked this card because they couldn’t find a zombie card.

You know, because I love zombies.

But that’s what friends are for, right?  They are here to tease us about our quirks and all of the foolish things we do.  They are here to help us celebrate the fact that, though we may not be teenagers anymore (and really, thank God for that!), it’s still pretty awesome not being dead yet.

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Friendship and family are such a blessing, and I’m so blessed to have spent this last year with you.  I’m looking forward to what the next year brings, with my old friends and new.

Thank you so much, my blog friends and family!  Thank you for sticking with me as I navigate my way through the changing landscape that is my life.  You have supported me and sometimes coddled me, you’ve offered encouragement and guidance, laughter and insight.  You continue to shore me up.

I may not cherish getting older, but I cherish all of what it brings me.

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Well, maybe not those wrinkles.

We are not the gatekeepers for Christ

I do believe in rules.  In most cases, the rules and guidelines we are given as a child, the frameworks we are encouraged to live within, are meant to guide us into a successful adulthood.  And in more ways than one, my country would not exist as it is today were it not for rules.  People have come here for hundreds of years in attempts to escape the rules of their own countries, and we fought a revolution on this soil to overthrow rules we did not like.  When that battle was won, we promptly established more rules; they just happened to suit us better.

The same thing happens in the Christian community.  If you don’ t like how they do it in this church, you move on.  If you can’t find a place you like, just create something new.  I can’t fault anyone for church hopping in search of a community that feels like home.  After all, that’s what fellowship is supposed to be about, a family of people who support you and encourage your religious growth.  That can’t happen if you’re uncomfortable with the teachings of the church.  And even within the same denomination, what is being taught can vary from congregation to congregation.

We’ve all been handed the same rule book, but we are free to interpret it as we choose.  As we will.

And that’s the thing: as Christians, we are not truly united under a single set of beliefs.  It’s no longer enough to say you’re a Christian.  The follow-up question is typically some variation of, “What kind?”, because the denominations and sects and splinter groups are so numerous.  The core element of Christianity is there, i.e., “I am a follower of Christ”, but what that entails can be different for every group.

Some Christian groups focus more on the rules than on Christ.  I certainly agree that there are things we should and shouldn’t do.  I don’t steal from people or murder them, but those are pretty easy for me to avoid.  However, I have told countless lies, have tons of bad thoughts, and frankly, I don’t always WANT to do the right thing.  Sometimes I want to do the exact opposite of the right thing!

Fortunately for me, my faith is not based on perfectly following rules.  My faith is built on my relationship with Christ.  Unfortunately, many Christians not only construct their religious lives around rules they cherry pick out of scripture, but they also make up rules of their own.

There is experience within my own family of falling victim to a church community that built itself around the rules of its leader rather than on Christ, and members followed that leadership with cult-like obedience.  The rules he laid down were at best twisted forms of Christian doctrine.  At their worst, they were not founded in Christianity at all, but rather designed to instill fear and maintain his personal power.  The rules were malleable, as suited his needs.  If he were caught breaking his own rules, he had justifications at the ready, but congregants who broke them were dealt with swiftly and publicly.  He abandoned or reversed rules that no longer served his purposes, but despite these inconsistencies, this leader was heard and followed.  

This leader’s goal was not to grow his church by bringing people to Christ.  His goal was to maintain his own influence and control within that small group.  He was a Christian who turned people away from Christ.  Those who questioned his rules were loudly condemned and driven out.  Those who stayed would not risk listening to their own doubts; they were too afraid that his version of truth was the right one.

Doubt, questions and uncertainty are as much a part of my everyday faith as trust, hope and joy.  But it isn’t God I’m uncertain about, it’s the myriad voices that try to sway me to their version of the truth.  It isn’t God I doubt, it’s myself, and whether I’m listening to the right voice.  That’s a scary thought for me, because there are people who will interpret biblical rules in a way that suits their own needs.  There Christians who don’t seem to be followers of Christ, who use the Bible to push their own agendas.  Instead of drawing people into the faith, these Christians use scripture to drive others away.  Though it’s difficult to drown out all those other voices, I have chosen to give sway to the voice within, the one that tells me to study the Bible, to study the life of Christ and to aspire to live by His teachings.  

What Jesus taught me is that we’re all welcome.  We don’t all answer His call, but we’re all invited.  He did not preach hate and intolerance and judgement.  A shepherd does not beat and scatter his flock.  He gathers them together and protects them.  He seeks to add to his flock, to see it flourish and prosper.

Christ taught that there is one rule above all others, which is to love the Lord your God.  Second only to this is the rule to love your neighbor as yourself. 

How can you love your neighbor if your heart is filled with hate?  Where is there room for Christ if your heart is filled up with hate?  Hate belongs to another, one whose wish is to deceive and confuse and shake people’s faith.  One whose sole desire is to beat and scatter the flock.

It makes me heartsick to see Christians turn people away from God.  I just can’t understand why a Christian would purposefully, maliciously, hatefully, and sometimes even gleefully, ostracize another and work to exclude people from the faith.  How heartless to push someone away from what you believe is eternal salvation and toward what you believe to be eternal agony.

As a Christian, it’s not my job to create or enforce rules that keep people out.  Likewise, it’s not my job to make people believe what I believe.  I can only walk my faith, share my beliefs and welcome everyone with open arms.  The rest is in another’s hands.

There isn’t a human being on earth who is qualified to be a gate-keeper for Christ.  Not a single one.

Items of Interest:

Grace by Bekka (Moonlight & Sunbeams)

We Got It Wrong on a Wednesday by Tamara (a deeper story)

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