Oct 14
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It’s hard to tell the truth, I guess, even to the person you know will love you no matter what. Maybe we’re afraid of disappointing them. Maybe we’re afraid of someone seeing us as who we really are.
– K C Leighton
from:
I Have Spies, Girls With Freckles Can’t Be Punk Rockers, and Other Lies My Mother Told Me
∞
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The universe offers continuity in an ever changing world, stability in an often chaotic existence. No one knows exactly how it all works, but I look into that sky and know that life is not accidental. Those lights across the blackness of night help compel me towards purpose.
– Clay Morgan
from:
Where to Look If You Want to Find Some Peace
∞
Clay Morgan’s new book is called Undead. Click the book cover on the sidebar to see what that’s all about!
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See, I think my own advice is brilliant, it’s everyone else’s that sucks. Though I do acknowledge, this can appear slightly crazed.
– Cakes and Shakes
from:
Little miss know-it-all
∞
Sep 24
I can’t get a real grip on what exactly I was thinking when I decided to get married. I feel that I just made a decision and then became obstinate: I would go through with it. I knew he was the wrong person…and yet I was in love with him.
It astounds me now to hear myself say those words: “I knew he was the wrong person.” And I married him anyway. How could I have recognized what was fundamentally disastrous in that relationship, and at the same time have felt we would be married “until death do you part”. It doesn’t add up: I could acknowledge the weak spots, but couldn’t envision the future consequences. I couldn’t see down the line of that inevitable sequence of chain reactions.
Still, I didn’t take his last name. “I want to write a book someday, and when I do, I want to use my own name.” And if he ever had to explain it to someone, that’s exactly what he told them. Hearing it gave me a pang of guilt and sadness, and I felt like a fraud. I felt sorry for him, and wondered if he really cared. He said no, but we weren’t always honest about what we were feeling.
As a simple statement, it was true. But I didn’t admit that there was more to my decision than books I never really expected to write. What I didn’t say is that I wasn’t ready to give up all of myself. Not to him. I was not through with her, the girl with my name. I was not willing to relinquish whatever it was that she represented to me. Maybe it was the idea that I should someday be more, and I wanted that more to be branded with my own name.
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Not to him. But that’s the kicker: not to him.
Maybe I didn’t trust him enough. Maybe I didn’t have faith that he could lead.
Of course, I was right.
♦
Last time: lighting myself on fire
Next time: Honesty
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I'm a writer and photographer, sometime poet and philosopher, who is figuring out who she was meant to be.
Me Robo El Show (Instrumental Jazz Mix) by Jeris is licensed under a Attribution Noncommercial (3.0).
steadily skipping stones 