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Posts tagged ‘Christianity’

My Mistake

So, the question is faith.  I read a post on claywrites.com last week that started with “faith is a weird thing.”  I commented that I have full confidence in God, but where my faith fails is with myself and how I participate in that relationship.  But I came to question the validity of that statement on Saturday morning.

What happened is I made a mistake.  I made a mistake, and it effected me and my boss and her boss.  It effected the store, the customers and the staff.  My small mistake, one miscommunication, became such a burden and resulted in so much upset.  I was on the phone two and a half hours, texting and calling pharmacists, asking for their help.  At intervals during that time I thought about God, but I never once asked him  for help.  I thought, “I can’t keep asking him to bail me out, I can’t be this burden on him again.”  Again.  But in not making the most important call for help, what was I really saying?  

Was it a test of faith?

It’s interesting, because last week, I had no problem sharing my burden with God.  It’s my job to find coverage for pharmacist’s vacations and emergencies and whatnot, and I had ten shifts to fill.  That’s a lot, and I was worried about it.  But I was also looking at it and saying, “You know, God always helps me, and my job is to do as much as I can, work as hard as I can, and leave the rest to him.”  To have faith.  And so, instead of being filled with anxiety and doubt, and doing it all on my own, I asked him for help.  I think it’s important to note that even when I ask for his help, I still feel that panic, that “it can’t be done!”  But I made a conscious effort to let go of that this time.

The thing about faith is it requires confidence. If I’m filled with anxiety, then what am I communicating?  It’s like saying, “I don’t trust you.”  I think I do, I think that’s in my heart, but maybe I’m not living that way.  I so often don’t look past the moment.  I know that whatever the outcome, it will be designed for my good in the long term, but I don’t act on that knowledge.  I act out of a place of fear.  I believe; help my unbelief!” (Mark 9:24) I truly, truly in my heart have full faith in God.  But my actions show that I’m not living as though I believe, on a day-to-day, moment by moment basis.

I never really associated that with my faith before, because I saw my faith in a big way: FAITH.

At the end of those two and a half hours, I had to go to work.  I had to get in the shower; I needed to go to work and do my other job.  “God I hate to do this to you because I feel it’s trifling and beneath your notice, but I need help; can you please help me?  If you say no, that’s okay, too.  I’m not asking for me, but for my boss, because this makes her look bad.  And for the lead pharmacist, because it’ll reflect poorly on her if her store has to close and she refused to go in.  And also for your glory, even though I don’t know who would know about it except for me.”  I finally asked for help.

And then I started thinking about faith: what does it mean that I didn’t ask sooner?  I don’t know why I would ask him for help on Friday, but not on Saturday. When I finally reached out, I was at the end of my hope.  

As the water poured over me, I thought about faith, and I wondered what it says about me and our relationship.  Is that what some of the others who commented on that post were talking about?  Not the big FAITH, in capital letters, but the living your life and giving fully of yourself into that relationship kind of faith.  I thought about not wanting to “burden” him, even though he constantly tells me how important I am to him.  If I don’t trust in that, lean on that, and rely on that, is that a lack of faith?  I don’t know.

Anyway, I got out of the shower to find a text from my boss: “I covered it.”  12:09.  God had answered my prayer even as I was speaking it.

A few minutes later, a second text came in from the pharmacist who opened the store for us: “He’s here, I’m going.”  The man I’d crossed wires with had come in to finish the shift.  He drove an hour and a half to get there, and so the solution had been on its way long before I saw it coming.  God was answering my prayer even before it was spoken.  When I called to apologize and say thank you, the pharmacist said, “if it was anybody but you, Michelle, I wouldn’t have come.”  He said he had a lot to do that day, but I needed him, so he came.  “Because you’re so good to me, I wanted to help you.”  

Is that what faith looks like?  A pouring out of self on both sides?  And, perhaps, a taking in of what we need when it’s offered to us?

In response to my comment on his post, Clay said, “Faith is one of those mysteries that doesn’t fit into human understanding, so it often frustrates us.”  It’s interesting that maybe I’m struggling with things I don’t even know yet, that I don’t even realize.  Have I been holding out on my faith?  I have the big FAITH, that God can do all things.  But have I lacked faith in his words, “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him.”  (Romans 8:28)  Or have I simply lacked the faith that he meant those words even for me?

Maybe my mistake was a lesson in faith.

Items of Interest:

Did God Give You Sucky Faith? by Clay Morgan

Livin’ On A Prayer by Larry the Deuce

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the Infinite Monkey speaks: disruption

Random brilliance from across the blogosphere…

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I still have more than enough reasons to be unsettled by the disruption that is Jesus of Nazareth.  I still have plenty of reasons to keep my distance from Him so I can stay comfortable.

 –  Jonathan Martin

from:
The Missing Jesus

Movie Quote Monday – I’ll Believe You

Last week, I had an interesting conversation with someone about religion.  Her feeling is that we should teach our children only what we can prove to be true.

I feel that it’s fully acceptable to teach our children what we believe to be true. 

She put quite a bit of emphasis on truth, and the fact that I can’t prove the truth of what I believe.

In her opinion, “true to you” and accepting on faith are not good enough.

While this discussion was playing out, I happened to watch I’ll Believe You.  Naturally, this snippet stood out:
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Dale:  There is no right or wrong to belief.  You can believe whatever you want to. You can believe in this god, or that god, or the Loch Ness monster.  Or whatever you want! 

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What do you think?  Is there a right and wrong to belief?

We are not the gatekeepers for Christ

I do believe in rules.  In most cases, the rules and guidelines we are given as a child, the frameworks we are encouraged to live within, are meant to guide us into a successful adulthood.  And in more ways than one, my country would not exist as it is today were it not for rules.  People have come here for hundreds of years in attempts to escape the rules of their own countries, and we fought a revolution on this soil to overthrow rules we did not like.  When that battle was won, we promptly established more rules; they just happened to suit us better.

The same thing happens in the Christian community.  If you don’ t like how they do it in this church, you move on.  If you can’t find a place you like, just create something new.  I can’t fault anyone for church hopping in search of a community that feels like home.  After all, that’s what fellowship is supposed to be about, a family of people who support you and encourage your religious growth.  That can’t happen if you’re uncomfortable with the teachings of the church.  And even within the same denomination, what is being taught can vary from congregation to congregation.

We’ve all been handed the same rule book, but we are free to interpret it as we choose.  As we will.

And that’s the thing: as Christians, we are not truly united under a single set of beliefs.  It’s no longer enough to say you’re a Christian.  The follow-up question is typically some variation of, “What kind?”, because the denominations and sects and splinter groups are so numerous.  The core element of Christianity is there, i.e., “I am a follower of Christ”, but what that entails can be different for every group.

Some Christian groups focus more on the rules than on Christ.  I certainly agree that there are things we should and shouldn’t do.  I don’t steal from people or murder them, but those are pretty easy for me to avoid.  However, I have told countless lies, have tons of bad thoughts, and frankly, I don’t always WANT to do the right thing.  Sometimes I want to do the exact opposite of the right thing!

Fortunately for me, my faith is not based on perfectly following rules.  My faith is built on my relationship with Christ.  Unfortunately, many Christians not only construct their religious lives around rules they cherry pick out of scripture, but they also make up rules of their own.

There is experience within my own family of falling victim to a church community that built itself around the rules of its leader rather than on Christ, and members followed that leadership with cult-like obedience.  The rules he laid down were at best twisted forms of Christian doctrine.  At their worst, they were not founded in Christianity at all, but rather designed to instill fear and maintain his personal power.  The rules were malleable, as suited his needs.  If he were caught breaking his own rules, he had justifications at the ready, but congregants who broke them were dealt with swiftly and publicly.  He abandoned or reversed rules that no longer served his purposes, but despite these inconsistencies, this leader was heard and followed.  

This leader’s goal was not to grow his church by bringing people to Christ.  His goal was to maintain his own influence and control within that small group.  He was a Christian who turned people away from Christ.  Those who questioned his rules were loudly condemned and driven out.  Those who stayed would not risk listening to their own doubts; they were too afraid that his version of truth was the right one.

Doubt, questions and uncertainty are as much a part of my everyday faith as trust, hope and joy.  But it isn’t God I’m uncertain about, it’s the myriad voices that try to sway me to their version of the truth.  It isn’t God I doubt, it’s myself, and whether I’m listening to the right voice.  That’s a scary thought for me, because there are people who will interpret biblical rules in a way that suits their own needs.  There Christians who don’t seem to be followers of Christ, who use the Bible to push their own agendas.  Instead of drawing people into the faith, these Christians use scripture to drive others away.  Though it’s difficult to drown out all those other voices, I have chosen to give sway to the voice within, the one that tells me to study the Bible, to study the life of Christ and to aspire to live by His teachings.  

What Jesus taught me is that we’re all welcome.  We don’t all answer His call, but we’re all invited.  He did not preach hate and intolerance and judgement.  A shepherd does not beat and scatter his flock.  He gathers them together and protects them.  He seeks to add to his flock, to see it flourish and prosper.

Christ taught that there is one rule above all others, which is to love the Lord your God.  Second only to this is the rule to love your neighbor as yourself. 

How can you love your neighbor if your heart is filled with hate?  Where is there room for Christ if your heart is filled up with hate?  Hate belongs to another, one whose wish is to deceive and confuse and shake people’s faith.  One whose sole desire is to beat and scatter the flock.

It makes me heartsick to see Christians turn people away from God.  I just can’t understand why a Christian would purposefully, maliciously, hatefully, and sometimes even gleefully, ostracize another and work to exclude people from the faith.  How heartless to push someone away from what you believe is eternal salvation and toward what you believe to be eternal agony.

As a Christian, it’s not my job to create or enforce rules that keep people out.  Likewise, it’s not my job to make people believe what I believe.  I can only walk my faith, share my beliefs and welcome everyone with open arms.  The rest is in another’s hands.

There isn’t a human being on earth who is qualified to be a gate-keeper for Christ.  Not a single one.

Items of Interest:

Grace by Bekka (Moonlight & Sunbeams)

We Got It Wrong on a Wednesday by Tamara (a deeper story)

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