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Jan 9

5 Comments

My First Session with a Life Coach

On Tuesday you met Lamisha Serf; isn’t she nice? Lamisha is a Life Coach who was my guest on the podcast yesterday, and she’s helping me get a grip on the goals I want to accomplish in 2014. Or really, she’s training me how to make and accomplish goals at all!

I promised to tell you about my session with Lamisha, but I think the first question to answer is why I would hire a Life Coach in the first place. The answer to that is pretty easy: I need help!

I have all these things I want to accomplish, ways that I want to improve myself and my life, but I just can’t seem to get it done on my own. Last year I worked with my friend and Health Coach, Vicki Manual, and she did an amazing job of changing the way I viewed my successes and failures. Basically, she got my mind in the right place. Now I need help with the logistics part. I struggle to maintain long-term success with the goals I set, and even though I know some of the reasons why, I still keep making the same mistakes over and over. So after talking with Lamisha on the podcast, when she asked if I wanted to do a free session, I said “Yes, I would love that!”

And I’m so glad I did! I had my second session today, and it’s been a great experience so far. Here are some thoughts about why I like working with a Life Coach, and specifically Lamisha:

  1. Lamisha is a professional. She has experience and training, therefore she has thoughts and viewpoints that I wouldn’t come up with on my own. And when she gives me suggestions and ideas, they’re right on target. In short, she has more knowledge and insight than I do. She’s teaching me new things.
  2. She listens with a practiced ear and hears what I’m really  saying; she’s able to dig through all my yammering very quickly and pull out the pertinent information. She’s making me aware of things I’m saying that I wasn’t even paying attention to. And she’s reminding me of things I said (just a few moments ago) and how I can apply that to this other thing I’m talking about right now. It’s like I’m learning that 2+2=4. I feel like I should have known it already, but somehow I just wasn’t putting 2 and 2 together! It’s pretty cool.
  4. She’s asking me questions that I’m not asking myself: Why do I want to accomplish this goal? What does the end result look like to me? Where do I find inspiration? How can I make the things I don’t want to do more fun?
  5. Just by talking about them, I realized I had fuzzy goals. Even though I had a list item, I wasn’t exactly sure what I wanted to accomplish. When Lamisha said, “tell me about that,” I had to think about it to put it into words. 
  6. She talked about inspiration, and that was a big one for me. I’ve viewed goals as tasks, and my self-worth has been wrapped up in whether or not I could be motivated and disciplined enough to accomplish those tasks. So a big part of where she’s helping me is to adjust my thinking about goal setting, to think of it as a fun thing, something that I want  to do, not have to do or need to do. It is something that I can be inspired to do. 
  7. The other big one is how important it is to take small steps. I always bite off my goals big chunks, and then it’s too much to chew, much less swallow. Vicki really worked hard to get me to see the accomplishments I was overlooking because I was only seeing success and failure in terms of the entire goal. She would say, “What about this good point and that good point?” Lamisha is working with me to stop taking such huge bites in the first place.

The overwhelming feeling after my first session was that it was all focused on me. I kind of felt guilty for monopolizing everything, even though it was supposed to be about me. I felt a little selfish because I was so happy to have that individualized attention. The feel of the second talk was really like a strategy and training session, building on the foundation and “homework” from the previous chat.

I felt very positive after each session, which is what you’d hope for of course. But after each talk, I had at least one tangible thing I was going to do next. And Lamisha re-enforced what I need to keep hearing, that I don’t have to do – and can’t do – everything at once. I had a lot to think about and work with, and through, between the first and second sessions, and I’m feeling good about my homework for the next two weeks. 

As for Lamisha personally, she’s a very nice person and very easy to talk to. She has good tips, strategies, and feedback, and she is clearly listening to me, which feels amazing. And she’s excited for me and about what she can help me do. It’s great not only to have a partner to work with, but a professional who is focused on me and my growth.

I just thought it would be interesting to share what Lamisha does and how Life Coaching works. Listen to the podcast too, she gives some great ideas on there!

♦

Items of Interest:
5 Ways to Give Your “Resolutions” a Fighting Chance
Life Coach Lamisha Serf – podcast
Food Issues; with Vicki Manual – podcast
photo credit: Brett Jordan

Jan 8

8 Comments

A Year in the 80’s – a movie sampler

IN WHICH I SQUEEZE 10 YEARS INTO 52 DAYS
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When I think 80’s movies, I first think Sixteen Candles, The Breakfast Club, Pretty in Pink, Footloose, Some Kind of Wonderful, and Say Anything. They all have some form of teen angst at their center, so it’s no wonder they stuck out most for me when I was going through many of the same kinds of emotions myself.

But when I sat down to make a real list of the 80’s movies I liked, it got out of hand pretty quickly. And then , when I searched movies by release year, fuhgeddaboudit! I realized I’d have to majorly spread my movie picks out over this year, and it would still be too many films. So be forewarned: I love movies, this is my blog, and I’m gonna put as many picks and write as much as I like on these posts. Continue at your own risk.

To start, here’s a sampler of movies that made a lasting impression on me for one reason or another:

E.T. (82)
I’m 44 years old, and last week I cried my eyes out when E.T. died. Or didn’t really die. Doesn’t matter, I’m gonna cry every time, even though I know he’s coming back in the next scene. Then I cry at the end, too. You know, just for good measure. This movie never, ever, ever gets old. It just gets better every time I see it. Ahem, in its original, pre-“fixed” state, the way God intended E.T. to be watched. Here’s a super fun scene (though I’m not a fan of the CGI ET face), and one of my favorites:

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Terms of Endearment (83)
I haven’t watched this movie in years, but I always remember this particular scene. I especially love it when she starts to climb in. It resonated with me from the first moment I saw it, and it’s one of my favorite opening scenes of any movie ever.  Also, I’ve done this to my dog countless times, poor guy. Terms of Endearment is still alive as a pop culture reference today, but typically when this movie comes up, people quote the hospital scene. You know, the “give my daughter the shot!” scene. But this is the one I love:

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Eddie and the Cruisers (83)
I was captivated by this movie when I first saw it at about 15 or so, and I always remembered it. I watched it again about six months ago. It’s kind of dated, and I couldn’t stop focusing on how every  person in every  scene is smoking a cigarette. But it’s still good; I was still hooked on the hope and melancholy and regret and acceptance. And the music! Not so believable lip-syncing, but awesome music by John Cafferty & The Beaver Brown Band (as Eddie’s voice and band). I totally owned the hell out of that movie soundtrack on cassette tape, ya’ll. Here’s the trailer and a song:

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Red Dawn (84)
This one made a big impression on me when I was younger, but when I watched it last year, it upset me a lot.  A lot, a lot. I couldn’t get it off my mind for a long time. It was years between viewings (mine’s on VHS, if that tells you anything), and I had no idea it would hit me so hard. But the older I get, the more I understand about love and loss and the preciousness of life. Movies like this have a much greater impact on me than they did when I was 16 or 18 or 25.

I didn’t like the characterizations in the remake; they basically ripped the heart and soul right out of the film. I felt like, “that’s too bad,” when the first Wolverine got killed in the new movie, whereas I felt absolutely soul-gutted in the original. This scene from 1984 is not as vibrant as the remake, the color and sound, the special effects, but everything about it feels more real and more heartbreaking. In this clip, green and ill-prepared kids experience combat for the first time, against an enemy that looks and acts a lot like them:

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Night of the Comet (84)
I saw this in the theater when I was 14, and it’s the only time I’ve ever heard people cheer at the movies. The whole audience, not just one little group.  I just watched it again on YouTube, and I still got a kick out of it after all these years (shout out to the boombox, cordless phones with extendable antenna, and the awesomely 80’s shirt Reggie wears through most of the movie).

Hey – one guy gets eaten (off camera) by a zombie-like person in an alley, and another is chased through the house by a zombie-like kid. Those two scenes have popped into my head at random times over all these years. It never occurred to me until now that maybe this movie is how I got my zombie fear. Hm.

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Prince of Darkness (87)
I’ve only seen three scary movies in the theater, and two of those were in the 80’s. This one still haunts me as the scariest movie I’ve ever seen ever. Ever, ever. And that includes The Exorcist. And The Shining – oh my goodness, The Shining! This is worse than The Shining, you guys. I’m sure it’s small potatoes to all the horror fans out there, but I wouldn’t see this movie again if you paid me. Even this trailer freaks me out:

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Dirty Dancing (87)
I loved this movie, and it’s still one of my sentimental favorites. The oldest theater in town (which is now a shopping strip) had dollar movies on Wednesdays, and my friends and I saw Dirty Dancing three Wednesdays in a row. We were in love with Patrick Swayze (and who can blame us), with the dancing and the music, and with the adorable, awkward, awesome Jennifer Grey as “Baby”. We were tickled and delighted and left the theater on little happy clouds week after week. This clip has subtitles, but it’s the only one I could find of the entire scene when Baby first meets Johnny. I’m still like Baby, gawking at the moves – lots of music and dancing and awkward in this one! Not to mention, she “carried a watermelon”.

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Heathers (88)
This is another movie I never forgot, but for being the complete opposite of fluffy fun. Heathers is delightfully odd and twisted and a cult classic. It’s a dark comedy about “teen angst bullshit”, and I can’t think of 80’s movies without this one rearing up its psychopathic head. It’s like the Mean Girls of the 80’s. But with a body count. The trailer pretty much tells it all:

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The Accidental Tourist (88)
Here is another film about odd people who you just can’t forget.  I’m not a great William Hurt fan, but there are roles for which his stiff style are the perfect match, and this was one of them. And Geena Davis, my gosh, so good in her role as Muriel. This is a film full of quirky characters who are so vulnerable and irritating and thoroughly likable. You can’t help but root for each one to find what it is they need to make their lives feel complete.

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Platoon (86) – My most memorable movie experience.
The movie started, and I was gone. When a snake slithered across the screen, a lady screamed and I was amazed to “wake up” in a full theater. I gave a nervous titter with the rest of the audience, and then disappeared again. I was that absorbed: I was inside the movie instead of watching it, I was a pair of eyes in a theater. I forgot about my body, the crowd and the uncomfortable seats. When it was over, there was silence. Just a mass of eerily silent people, sitting still in their seats or slowly shuffling out of the theater. I felt shell-shocked and numb and at a loss for words myself. When I got home, I stuck my key in the lock and suddenly burst out crying.

Unlike Red Dawn, Platoon impacted me less as I aged; the memory was more powerful than the film. What felt dramatic and real and emotional at 16 and 25, touched on self-importance, and even felt a bit contrived, as I watched in my mid-thirties. But I think that’s just because there’d been so much in between. Movies like Platoon are the point of a wedge, carving a path for others to follow. But in so doing, that sharp edge dulls a little in comparison to what comes after. Even so, for me this is still one of the most memorable and impressive films of the 1980’s. Just seeing the trailer gave me chills and brought back memories of that first amazing viewing. I want to know what I think of it now, and I guess I need to keep up that ten year pattern.

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So that’s the first movie list, just a sampler of 80’s films that stick out in my mind.

What are the 80’s movies that made a lasting impression on you?

What are your movie stories?

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Jan 7

4 Comments

5 Ways to Give Your “Resolutions” a Fighting Chance

Today I present you with a guest post by Lamisha Serf!

Lamisha is a Life Coach who blogs at LifeOnceDreamt.com, and she’s also my first guest on season two of the podcast, which premiers tomorrow (listen here). And it’s totally awesome, because Lamisha had great advice and was really inspiring!

Today Lamisha offers us five great suggestions to make our 2014 goal setting more successful. Take it away, Lamisha…

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Here we are in a bright and shiny New Year and many of us are overflowing with tons of inspiration and motivation for making it the BEST year yet.  We have big plans, amazing dreams, and we have resolved to make them happen in 2014.  We have planned, schemed, and outlined exactly  how to succeed only to find a few weeks into the New Year, things get difficult and our inspiration and “resolutions” fall by the wayside.  Below are 5 ways to give your dreams and “resolutions” a fighting chance.

  1. Set intentions instead of resolutions.  Resolutions often feel so definite and leave little room for error.  We are all human and are bound to have a cookie or skip a workout now and again.  Instead of setting ‘resolutions’, consider setting an intention to eat more veggies or to get to the gym a few times a week.  Simply changing the word you use can make your goal feel less rigid and can greatly improve your chances at succeeding.
  2. Start small.  Setting an intention for the New Year doesn’t have to be a big bold move.  It can be as simple as trying a new veggie each month or to begin a walking regimen.  Too often we think we need to hit the ground running with huge changes and giant leaps.  Remember small steps add up to successful change.
  3. Make it fun.  When goals feel super serious, they can also feel quite restrictive.  I guarantee you are less likely to make lasting change if you hate every single step of the way.  Why not find a way to make it fun?  If you want to get healthy, find a fun exercise class or a group of friends to join you.  Want to write a book?  Join a writing group or class to get your creative juices flowing.
  4. Be kind to yourself.  Remember that lasting change takes time.  You are human and there are bound to be times when you slip up on your intentions, and when you do be gentle with yourself.  Don’t judge or demean yourself if you miss a day at the gym or eat something that is less than healthy.  Simply regroup, refocus, and revisit your intentions and begin again.  You only fail when you quit trying.
  5. Find support.  A lot of times this comes in the form of friends and family members, but it can also come in the form of a coach or other professional.  There is no shame in seeking a bit of help with your intentions.  In fact, people who have accountability partners are more likely to succeed than those who do not.  So find someone you mesh with and who will remind you of #4.  You don’t need a drill sergeant to whip you into shape as much as you need someone to inspire you to keep going.

2014 is going to be an amazing year and this is only the beginning.   Remember to have fun and be kind to yourself as you set your intentions for the New Year.  You were meant to do great things and it all starts with a single step.  Good luck and Happy New Year!

Summit

♦

Thank you so much, Lamisha!

I was so taken with Lamisha on the podcast that I booked a free Life Coaching session for myself. I’ll post about that on Thursday; it was really great. So great that I hired her to help me with some goals and improvements I want to make in 2014. She’s still offering free sessions for a little longer, if that’s something you think would be helpful for you:

If you find yourself wondering where to begin or you need a little support creating your easy, peazy plan for 2014, I would love to offer you a free coaching session to chat.  If you are interested in seeing what life coaching can do for you, feel free to contact me at lamisha@lifeoncedreamt.com and include a little information about what you want to accomplish this year, and we can get you scheduled for your free 45-minute session.

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Lamisha bio shotLamisha Serf is a life coach and dreamer extraordinaire that uses her Masters in Psychology to work with inspired souls who are ready to make their dreams a reality.  With her unique, inspiration-driven coaching philosophy, she helps clients get out of their heads and follow their hearts to the incredible life they are meant to live.  When she is not coaching or writing on her blog at lifeoncedreamt.com, she can be found with her nose in a good book or her head in the clouds dreaming of her next big adventure.

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Items of Interest:
People I Almost Know podcast – my chat with Lamisha
Lamisha’s Story
Lamisha’s program
How Lamisha categorized her goals and dreams
photo credits: Lori Ann & Dvidshub respectively

Jan 5

24 Comments

Random Thoughts: on dangerous places

I’m not much of a risk taker. I remember a time when I would stick my hand in a hamster cage in a heartbeat. It wasn’t a lack of fear – I always knew I could get bitten and how much it hurt. I’d been hamster bit many a time. It was just that I wanted to hold that hamster more than I feared the hamster’s bite.

I’m not that girl anymore.

I don’t know when she disappeared, when the fear of the bite overtook my excitement and desire to reach into dangerous places. 

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Are you a risk taker or do you keep on the safe side? Were you always like that?

Is playing it a bit more safe just a normal part of growing up, learning and deciding what risks we are and aren’t willing to take?

As I got older, did I gain more fear, or lose my excitement?

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